5 Worst Date Ideas

img @ nataliedee

If you finally got up the courage to ask that sexy single lady on OBC on a date, it’s time to figure out your venue. At this point, you probably know very little about your soon-to-be booty call, and may have some doubts as to where you should take them. Now, there are lots of places that would make a perfect first date, like say meeting up at a local pub where it’s loud enough that there aren’t too many awkward silences, or a street fair, where you can wander around and point at things you’d normally not give a crap about, if only to get out of awkward silences.

However, there are a few places that under NO CIRCUMSTANCES should you take a first date. Let’s review.

1) An Arcade*

As if the smell of arcades wasn’t bad enough (some sort of mix of 14 year olds’ feet and a Greyhound bus), you seem to forget all about the date the second you hop on that 1995 Marvel Vs Capcom machine. You Get all sweaty and scream and curse and start mashing buttons and all we can think is that this is probably exactly your method in bed. No thanks, Wolverine.

* Note: Dave and Busters is okay, because there is a bar.

2) The drive-in

If you don’t know what a drive in is, you’re too young to be on this site. Yo Gabba Gabba is on in ten minutes, so go away, baby.

Okay, for you old enough, the drive in is no longer okay. It was okay in high school, when you and 17 friends piled into a ’85 Ford F-150 and drank an entire bottle of Peach Schnapps and touched each other inappropriately. The only purpose of the drive in now is as a novelty feature, where you and your friends… well… drink an entire bottle of Jack Daniels and touch each other inappropriately.

3) Chili’s

It is against the rules for you to suggest a restaurant that actually has the word “Awesome,” “Explosion,” or “Bottomless” on the menu.

4) Any place with especially spicy or frighteningly unfamiliar food

We’ve all seen the scene in Along Came Polly where Ben Stiller’s attempt to eat Indian food with Jennifer Aniston results in a disturbing IBS episode in her bathroom. For the sake of your date’s possibly fragile bowel system, pick a restaurant that offers milder, less adventurous flavors.

5) Out with your college buddies

Sure, going out in groups is always fun, and lightens the mood, takes the edge off. But if your group consists of thirteen dudes who have been on a bender since 2002, you probably shouldn’t bring them around your new date.