Blowjobs are Giving Women Cancer

When I first saw this article, I thought to myself, don’t post this article, you dummy. The whole point of this blog is to get men and women to loosen up a bit… about life, love, weird sh*t, and of course sex! Posting this is going to make the ladies crawl back into their prudish caves and never come out!

Unfortunately, the journalist side of me said NAY, I MUST REPORT THE NEWS.

According to US researchers, oral sex may actually be giving people cancer. They claim that cases of oral cancer caused by the sexually transmitted disease HPV (Human Papilloma Virus) have “increased significantly” in the last 20 years, and it may be because people are going down on each other more. Via Gawker:

Researchers tested tumor samples from 271 patients with certain types of throat cancer diagnosed from 1984 to 2004. The virus was found in only 16 percent of the samples from the 1980s—but in 72 percent of those collected after 2000.

The researchers estimated that over all, throat cancers caused by the virus have increased to 2.6 per 100,000 people in 2004 from 0.8 cases per 100,000 people in 1988. If the trend continues, by 2020 the virus will be causing more throat cancer than cervical cancer, the study concluded.

Greeeeaat. Just lovely. Now on top of worrying about condoms and unplanned pregnancies and awkwardly tip-toeing out of a booty call’s house in the morning, we have to worry about if the naughty bits going in our mouths MIGHT ACTUALLY KILL US.

Furthermore, the disease does not have a screening process, so you won’t find out you have oral cancer at your next STD test (which you have frequently, because you are responsible, right? Right.). Instead, researchers claim you should get vaccinated for HPV and also see a doctor if you notice a “lumpy, swollen lymph node” or “lingering sore throat or earache.”

Keep calm and carry on folks, and be careful whose junk you let near your face.