Our quarterly fail reports are in and it seems August has been our most fail-ccessful month this year! Congratu-fail-lations everyone, bonuses for all!

(I don’t know that much about business.)

pure gold.

I’d like to provide some commentary, but anything I say will pale in comparison to the hilarity of this video. Just… just watch it.

Something about these two drunk girls in bathing suits being pushed in a shopping cart off a curb and face-planting into the hot asphalt makes me never want to drink again. And the other something about this video makes me want to crack open a beer, watch it again, and laugh. What to do, what to do.

Have you noticed that those Halloween Superstores always go in and take over bankrupt department stores right around late August? Like there is a shut down Mervyn’s over here that is suddenly full of cheap plastic wigs and skanky polyester nurse costumes, and no one has noticed the metaphorical creepiness of having a fear-based holiday theme store “possess” an old abandoned warehouse-sized building? Especially considering the people who work in said abandoned warehouses usually look like they could potentially be zombies in aprons?

Anyway, the 90 minute premiere of AMC’s “Walking Dead” series starts on Halloween, and the inner Rob Zombie fan in me is so excited I can barely contain myself and may have to commit to throwing a Halloween party just so that I don’t have to leave the house that night. Check out the preview above. It’ll pretty much blow your mind with awesomeness.

Just when you thought that morning newscasts couldn’t possibly become less watchable… when you thought that there was nothing in the world more embarrassing than a watching the forced, awkward jokes of 75 year old weathermen with Botoxed earlobes, a gem like this comes around and reminds you that in the entertainment world, morning news is where celebrities go to die.