What concerns me most about this video isn’t that they have clearly greased the floor of a children’s arcade, or that this kid is one wrong move away from flipping that thing and shattering his skull, or the strangely depressing Metric song in the background. It’s the fact that there are several people that walk in and out of the background of this video and NOT ONE OF THEM STOPS TO WATCH THIS BAD ASS. Which leads me to believe that Cancun, Mexico is just crawling with wheelchair-drifting kids with palsy, which leads me to believe that I need to go to Cancun. Now.

Source

Needless to say, that similarity makes this new article of clothing far less surprising. They’re called muscles leggings, and they are exactly what they sound like. Over at BuzzFeed there is quite the debate going on about whether or not these are sexy or totally gross, and we thought we’d ask our readers to weigh in as well.

According to LatinRapper.com:

“To make an alien brain hemorrhage cocktail, fill a shot glass halfway with peach schnapps. Gently pour Bailey’s Irish Cream on top. After the shot is almost full, carefully add a small amount of blue curacao. After it settles, add a few drops of grenadine syrup.”

Sure, this might not be to the caliber of a man climbing out of an airplane and hanging on to the wing while it rolls and then sky diving from it, but it’s definitely a close second, right? No? Ugh, I can’t even tell anymore. My impressive sensors are now completely out of whack.

SPEAKING OF NERDS,

Perfect for those days when you want to be fat, disgusting, AND lazy, ALL AT ONCE!

According to The Daily Mail, the “Foxy Bikini” and “Carnivale Bikini” are coming under fire from PETA, who say that they are both “cruel” and “sleazy” which we’re actually going to have to agree with (unlike their attempt to destroy a Playskool farm toy for children, which was ri-DONK-ulous). As you can tell from the photos above, they are the vag-equivalent of Barshop herself: an obnoxious, worthless attention whore.

And at over a hundred dollars for each GLUED ON FUR OR FEATHER decoration, we can also add “frivolous” to that list of adjectives.

No thank you.

I have to admit I’m a bit late to the iPhone game. After years of trying to avoid the hype, I have finally decided that when I am eligible to upgrade next month, I’m going to make the leap into the iPhone world. It’s exciting and a little bit scary, like having sex on a cliff edge. Why is it scary, you ask? Because I have dropped my phone in the water (sink, puddle, toilet) 3 (THREE) times in the past 5 years. And if I drop this one in water and lose my phone I swear I WILL GO ON A SHOOTING RAMPAGE. Or at least cry into my Cheerios.

As you can imagine, I got pretty excited when I learned that there is technology being developed that may actually shield your phone from water damage all together! According to TheDailyMail, a spray called HZO has been created that, when sprayed upon the circuitry and exterior of a phone, can actually protect your phone from moisture – making it usable even under water! According to the company behind HZO, both Apple and Samsung have been in talks to add this feature to their next series of phones. This may be the end to ruining your phone in a glass of champagne on New Years forever!

And then there’s this:

Um. Cool?

Acceptable uses of booty:

a) a hot derriere
b) a sexy hook up
c) something a pirate collects on the high seas

Unacceptable use of the word booty:

ANYTHING MICROWAVABLE AND “MOIST” THAT GOES ON YOUR DISGUSTING LONELY FEET. EW. EW EW EW.

Vince Schlomi, the Sham-wow-hocking-prostitute-punching infomercial dude is back with a new product you don’t need but will probably buy: The Schticky. According to Vince, it’s like a reusable lint roller that you can use on your dog? I think?

Needless to say, it wouldn’t be a Vince commercial without just a smidge of sexual innuendo, so let’s play a little Tuesday morning game, shall we? The first person to spot the totally creepster line in this commercial wins a chocolate bar (you only play shipping & handling, expect your free gift in 4 – 6 years.)

First we have a fast food oddity from overseas, The Darth Vader burger, from Europe, a strange, black-bunned sandwich created in celebration of the rerelease of Star Wars: The Phantom Menace (is anyone excited for that?) in 3D (no really, ANYONE?). Fast food chain “Quick” will sell the burgers now through March 1st, although I can’t imagine anyone genuinely ordering a burger that looks like its bun has been in the over for 12 weeks.

Now for a some weirdness from our side of the pond: Maple Bacon Ale, a beer made through a collaboration of Rogue Brewery and Portland’s famous Voodoo Doughtnut shop. The beer, which costs a pricey $13 per 750 ml, has not been received with the most excited reviews, with tasters saying it “generally tastes like a dirty, ashy smoked beer,”  and that “the smoke flavor, along with fatty hits of unwanted bacon, dominate.” Eesh, no thank you! However, I admit I am slightly still intrigued by this strange mix of items I love (beer, syrup, bacon), and wish it were available for tasting in my town (as of now you can only purchase it in Oregon or by mail.

So, as always, it’s up to you! Which food product is weirder? The Darth Vader burger, with its terrifying black bun, or Maple Bacon Ale, the beer that has hints of bacon fat flavor?