According to LatinRapper.com:

“To make an alien brain hemorrhage cocktail, fill a shot glass halfway with peach schnapps. Gently pour Bailey’s Irish Cream on top. After the shot is almost full, carefully add a small amount of blue curacao. After it settles, add a few drops of grenadine syrup.”

First we have a fast food oddity from overseas, The Darth Vader burger, from Europe, a strange, black-bunned sandwich created in celebration of the rerelease of Star Wars: The Phantom Menace (is anyone excited for that?) in 3D (no really, ANYONE?). Fast food chain “Quick” will sell the burgers now through March 1st, although I can’t imagine anyone genuinely ordering a burger that looks like its bun has been in the over for 12 weeks.

Now for a some weirdness from our side of the pond: Maple Bacon Ale, a beer made through a collaboration of Rogue Brewery and Portland’s famous Voodoo Doughtnut shop. The beer, which costs a pricey $13 per 750 ml, has not been received with the most excited reviews, with tasters saying it “generally tastes like a dirty, ashy smoked beer,”  and that “the smoke flavor, along with fatty hits of unwanted bacon, dominate.” Eesh, no thank you! However, I admit I am slightly still intrigued by this strange mix of items I love (beer, syrup, bacon), and wish it were available for tasting in my town (as of now you can only purchase it in Oregon or by mail.

So, as always, it’s up to you! Which food product is weirder? The Darth Vader burger, with its terrifying black bun, or Maple Bacon Ale, the beer that has hints of bacon fat flavor?

According to NY Daily News, a new product called Blowfish has hit the market that claims to rid you of that morning-after feeling in as little as 15 minutes. Blowfish is a mix of aspirin, caffeine, and a stomach soothing agent all packed into an effervescent (think Alka-Seltzer) tablet that is dissolved in water, which creator Brenna Haysom claims “hits your system much faster than getting a cup of coffee, taking an antacid and taking some aspirin separately.” Better still, the product has been approved by the FDA, which is way more than you can say about other hangover cures often found at seedy truck stop convenience stores near the Nevada border, not that I would know anything about that.

The product is currently available via ForHangovers.com, and I think it would make a GREAT holiday gift for someone you like. Like say, someone who writes a blog everyday just to entertain you.

Speaking of vodka (not the up-your-cooter kind), here is another idea that warrants a hearty “NO THANK YOU”: a peanut butter flavored spirit with the atrocious name “NutLiquor.”

The 69-proof drink, which sells in stores across America as well as online, was distilled to taste “like the center of a peanut butter cup,” although it contains “no peanut allergens” which “really f***ing confuses me” and “totally grosses me out.”

Via the NutLiquor website:

Drinking NutLiquor is like drinking the center of a peanut butter cup. Peanut butter smell, creamy texture, a little warmth going down, and a lingering peanut butter cup aftertaste. Delicious!

Say it with me, friends:

NO. THANK. YOU.

After reading this clearly misogynistic, but also CLEARLY AMAZING ad for a beer glass that holds sixty ounces of beer, I wonder if I should switch professions and write cynical and bitter advertising lines. I think I’d be good at it. Examples:

[An ad for a fancy tie] “This tie is not only maroon and blue, which are the trademarked colors of rich folk, but it is also made of the finest silk, making you look and feel like a billionaire even though you’re going to an interview at Chick-fil-a.”

[An ad for a set of china] “This will look good in your china cabinet, and can also double as weaponry when your cousin comes out of the closet at Thanksgiving in front of your terrifying right-wing nut job of a grandfather.”

[An ad for a blender] “Answer: YES. It will blend an infants head, but only before their fontanelle closes.”

[An ad for a reusable BPA-free water bottle] “Buy this, you disgusting tree-raping hippie.”

Because of the aforementioned diet, my cravings for such foods as bacon, Cheetohs, Fritos, Doritos (and any other -itos), candy, chocolate, massive carne asada platters, and just about any other type of bad-for-you food are through the damn ROOF. Just seeing a cheeseburger on someone’s table gives me the shakes. That being said, here is something called a Creamy Bacon Donut from FoodBeast.com, which is “a glazed donut split as a sandwich bun, filled with bacon, cream, blueberries, pineapple pieces and strawberries.”

I’m going to pass out.

Ah yes, the golden age of Saturday Night Live. Before ex-members of All That turned up every skit, and women were hired (apparently) only for their looks, we had a glorious sketch parodying the awkwardness of NPR talk shows. Ana Gasteyer and Molly Shannon starred as a hilariously vested duo with awful haircuts who interviewed equally uncomfortable guests… and the best guest of all? Pete Schweddy, played by now-30 Rock star Alec Baldwin.

The five minute ‘Delicious Dish’ sketch goes down as one of the greatest in history, and is now being immortalized by famed ice cream team Ben and Jerry. That’s right – they’ve created “Schweddy Balls” ice cream. Unlike the Schweddy Balls of the 1998 skit, this treat sounds delicious: vanilla ice cream with a hint of rum and loaded with fudge covered rum and malt balls. DE-LISH.

As you can see by the sign stuck uncomfortably in one of the balls on the label, this is a limited edition B&J treat, so hurry down to your local store and get a lick of some delicious Schweddy Balls today! (I’m sorry.)

How was your Labor Day? WAS IT AWESOME? I’m sorry for yelling, but as you know, I love American holidays. I may be a left-wing communist Obama-loving hippie, but give me a tiny American flag and a cheeseburger BBQ and I will shout/sing The National Anthem all night (people love when you sing the National Anthem all night, by the way, in case you were thinking about trying that at your next party.).

This news segment is no surprise just after Labor Day, of course, as it features a Texas man frying up an item that has no business being fried: marshmallows dipped in bubble gum extract, and then drizzling them in blue icing and topping them with chiclets, and just TRY not to feel the first pangs of a heart attack.

My favorite part of this video? They actually show the gumball being dipped into the fryer. Most video editors would leave out the part where you watch the marshmallow absorb your yearly allotment of cholesterol, but not this rogue Texan! He wants you to see IT ALLLLLLLL.

I’ve never really understood the hipster fashion fads of today. Everyone seems to be trying to emulate the LEAST attractive styles of the past century, like the late 80s and early 60s and the whole entire flapper era. Why would you pick the most cringe-worthy retro styles to bring back? Why not bring back the 50s styles, I’ve always thought, where ladies wore cute, body-complementing dresses and the guys just looked straight-up handsome?

Well, it might be because we as a society should promise to leave the whole 50s behind, because apparently men were a**holes and women were passive little mice. This supercut of coffee commercials pretty much proves that point.

So hipsters, carry on with your high waisted shorts, I guess.

But even I was somewhat turned off by the news that the Iowa State Fair beginning to sell a new product – fried BUTTER. According to Eater, the newest sensation to hit the fair-food rounds is, ” a whole stick of butter on a stick dipped in a cinnamon honey batter and deep-fried. And then coated in a sugary glaze.” I mean, that sounds pretty delicious, right?

All I’m saying is, no offense to Iowa, but I’m pretty sure the Midwest has enough of an obesity problem without offering a cholesterol spiking treat like that. Check out a video of the most indulgent treat to ever hit the fairgrounds at the source.