SPEAKING OF NERDS,

Perfect for those days when you want to be fat, disgusting, AND lazy, ALL AT ONCE!

I have to admit I’m a bit late to the iPhone game. After years of trying to avoid the hype, I have finally decided that when I am eligible to upgrade next month, I’m going to make the leap into the iPhone world. It’s exciting and a little bit scary, like having sex on a cliff edge. Why is it scary, you ask? Because I have dropped my phone in the water (sink, puddle, toilet) 3 (THREE) times in the past 5 years. And if I drop this one in water and lose my phone I swear I WILL GO ON A SHOOTING RAMPAGE. Or at least cry into my Cheerios.

As you can imagine, I got pretty excited when I learned that there is technology being developed that may actually shield your phone from water damage all together! According to TheDailyMail, a spray called HZO has been created that, when sprayed upon the circuitry and exterior of a phone, can actually protect your phone from moisture – making it usable even under water! According to the company behind HZO, both Apple and Samsung have been in talks to add this feature to their next series of phones. This may be the end to ruining your phone in a glass of champagne on New Years forever!

And then there’s this:

Um. Cool?

Acceptable uses of booty:

a) a hot derriere
b) a sexy hook up
c) something a pirate collects on the high seas

Unacceptable use of the word booty:

ANYTHING MICROWAVABLE AND “MOIST” THAT GOES ON YOUR DISGUSTING LONELY FEET. EW. EW EW EW.

Vince Schlomi, the Sham-wow-hocking-prostitute-punching infomercial dude is back with a new product you don’t need but will probably buy: The Schticky. According to Vince, it’s like a reusable lint roller that you can use on your dog? I think?

Needless to say, it wouldn’t be a Vince commercial without just a smidge of sexual innuendo, so let’s play a little Tuesday morning game, shall we? The first person to spot the totally creepster line in this commercial wins a chocolate bar (you only play shipping & handling, expect your free gift in 4 – 6 years.)

via extremefunnyhumor

Coming to an iPhone near you from the country that brought you sharking is a cringe-worthy app that silences the smartphone’s camera function, thus allowing creeps around the word to take pictures of people (namely women) without their consent or knowledge, according to MercuryNews.

The app, which can be upgraded to a version which displays a fake e-mail browser on the screen to FURTHER hide your pervy photography, is an unwelcome addition to Japan, a country where just last year over 1700 cases of “illicit photography” led to arrests, a 1.6-fold jump from the previous year.

According to a senior Japanese official, the police force “can’t help but think these apps are designed specifically for taking sneaky photos,” although clearly they’ve never tried to take a photo of a puppy sleeping, because that’s totally another worthy use of a camera silencer [/sarcasm].

Let’s just hope this app doesn’t cross overseas, because the last thing we need is that creep down the street from me to get a hold of a product like this. ::shudder::

You know how sometimes your friend invites you over to watch the game, and you really want to go because a bunch of your old friends are gonna be there and there’s free food, but at the same time you don’t want to go because they still have a 1950s era 27 inch screen with the picture quality of Paris Hilton’s sex tape? Well, technology may have found a way for those days to be a thing of the past. According to the DailyMail, companies such as Sony, Sharp, Samsung and LG are experimenting with a new technology called “quantum dot” that can make TV screens ultra thin, and capable of being rolled up like paper!

Via The Daily Mail:

The quantum dot technology is light emitting particles which are 100,000 times smaller than the width of a human strand of hair will be printed onto flexible plastic that can be rolled up or even printed onto large sheets of paper to create giant screens.

Although the first QD screens (that may be available as early as next year) will likely be small handheld devices, the chief executive at Nanoco claims that they are also looking into much larger ideas: “Something else we are looking at is reels of wallpaper or curtains made out of a material that has quantum dots printed on it. You can imagine displaying scenes of the sun rising over a beach as you wake up in the morning.”

Looks like those dreams of living in The Jetsons may finally be here!

SHUT UP AND TAKE MY MONEY.

If you have been living in a cave under a rock in the Afghanistan desert and are also deaf and blind and don’t have Twitter, you may not have heard about the release of the iPhone 4S, Apple’s most recent smart phone that, of course, is both impressing and DEPRESSING Apple fan-boys around the world. Its most talked about feature is Siri, a virtual personal assistant of sorts that goes far beyond the normal voice-recognition of phones prior to it. Siri can answer about any question you lob at her, from “find me pizza” to “remind me to call my dad on his birthday.”

However, one question that hasn’t been asked is “Is Siri Racist?” but don’t worry, this Asian dude has the answer.

(Hint: the answer is no, but apparently I am, because I think this is hi-laaaaar-ious)

Now all it needs is the ability to clean itself up AND WE ARE SET! Thank you Japan, as always!

(Also, am I the only one that thought that said “SHARK c*nt”? Because that might actually be even more amazing.)

The Googlher from Randy Sarafan on Vimeo.

Finally a use for that boring, out-of -date, useless website, “the Google”! After years of questioning what a site like that could POSSIBLY be practical for, we now have our answer. Masturbating! The Googlher was created by FAT Lab’s Randy Sarafan, uses the power of the world wide web to help you get your jollies. According to the creator:

The Googlher is a device which plugs into your computer and triggers a bullet vibrator any time that Google pings your web browser (with the aid of The Googlher Firefox Add-on). By doing so, The Googlher translates Google’s pervasive reach into highly stimulating vibrations for vaginal or anal web browsing. Mistrust and fear Google’s omnipotent ways no longer as the web giant profoundly soothes, touches, and moves you. This is perhaps the biggest thing to happen to augmented reality since the invention of methamphetamine.

Alright Randy, you had me till… methamphetamines? Um, okay, perhaps a poorly chosen metaphor. But still – we appreciate when inventors take the time to pay attention to one of our more highly ignored needs, so KUDOS to Randy and the FATLab, and if you want to build your own Googlher, head over to their website right now! (I mean, it is hump day, right?)