A few weeks ago we did a piece on the ancient Kama Sutra texts, which provided many sexual positions that are still widely er… celebrated… today. I realized that it seems like there hasn’t been a decent sex book released in like, thousands of years. And then BOOM, out come two new hilarious “informational” books about sex: Sexy Book of Sexy Sex by Kristen Schaal (Flight of the Conchords) and her real life beau Rich Blomquist, and Sex: Our Bodies, Our Junk, by ‘The Association for the Betterment of Sex’, which includes writers from The Daily Show, The Onion, and The Tonight Show With Conan O’Brien. Basically the two funniest books to come out about sex since The Silence of the Lambs. That was a comedic sex book, right? I’m pretty sure it was.

Sex: Our Bodies, Our Junk guides readers on a tour of their bodies, using hilarious info-graphics and charts to explain places to masturbate without being caught and how to describe a clitoris to the police. All in all, hilarious. And Sexy Book of Sexy Sex? Well, don’t let Miss Schaal’s cutesy face and high pitched voice fool you: this book explores every aspect of sex that many other authors stray from, including a portion of the book dedicated to the Taint, because when I think about things that are missing in contemporary American non-fiction, my number one is definitely the area between a dudes balls and butthole. Definitely.

Click on the covers above to buy the books from Amazon!

Summer has arrived on the scene in San Diego (thank god, finally, WTF nature thanks for being punctual) and we’re remembering how awesome it can really be. At the same time, it gives us an excuse to enjoy work because at least we’re inside out of the blazing hot miserable death sun for a few hours of the day, surfing the internet,  trying to figure out ways to make 90 degree weather bearable. Here are a few of our top picks for summer purchases.

1) The Holmes 7 Twin Window Fan

Hey, we’re in a recession, people. If you’re one of the lucky people who actually has air conditioning in their apartment, you probably turn it on for like, 15 minutes, and then start getting so anxious that you can actually see the dollar signs spilling from the vents, like in one of those hilarious infomercials, except in this hilarious infomercial you can’t afford your mortgage anymore.

2) It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia Season 5 DVD

Less than a month till season 6 premieres, which means you need to either recap last season OR, if you’ve never seen the show, first staple your fingertips together because you deserve punishment, and then watch season 5 so you at least have some idea of what is going on, you uncultured bastard.

3) A waterproof digital camera

Digital schmigital. No one cares about how high def your pictures are or how much memory your card has. The only thing that matters is can you drop your camera in your Jack and Coke and still take awesome pictures? And with a waterproof cam, like the Pentax one pictured below, you can get your camera just as drunk as you, jump in the pool with it, and still upload that shot of you peeing on an electric fence to Facebook. Assuming you’re still alive.4) A volleyball net

Some of my favorite summer memories have been made with friends at the beach, playing volleyball all day until you are so sunburned and drunk off Faderade (2 parts red Gatorade, one part vodka, or vice versa)  that you don’t know the score and someone is passed out in their own urine. Note: spend the extra dollars on a good net set-up. There is nothing more frustrating than having a buzz and wrestling with a crappy $20 volleyball net. Trust me.

img @ volleyballcommunity

5) Either THIS or THIS, I can’t decide because they are both so awesome oh my GOD.

SkyMall magazine was great as a kid because you could look at it and be like, MOM MOM MOM I WANT THIS, and she’d be like, yeah sure we’ll talk about it when we get home, and then you’d forget about it because SkyMall only exists in the sky. Now, though, there is a website, and I have a credit card, and the chances of me buying that mermaid tail thing are really really unfortunately high. The world’s thickest noodle, though? Well. That’s just hilarious.

Hhahahaha. World’s thickest noodle.

Walking around San Diego this weekend,you’re gonna see some weird, cannot-be-unseen s***, as we detailed in a post yesterday. Nerds of all shapes and sizes, the occasional celebrity sighting, and as no weekend in San Diego would be complete without it: cleavage. Mind you, some of the cleavage you see is going to be less than desirable (assuming you’re not into the BBW crowd), much of it will be top-notch hot cosplayer chick chest balloons.

The guys over at COED were kind enough to sift through the trash that is a Google search of “Comic Con boobs” and brough us the very best. Check out a few below, and the whole collection at the source. Ogle well and prosper!

9 days and counting, people. We’re getting closer to one of the most watched sporting events in the entire world, a month-long booze fest where grown men are reduced to tears and occasionally pissing in their high school soccer shorts.

Now it’s getting to the time when you need to start making your World Cup purchases. Stores everywhere will begin selling out of the things that could make or break your party plans, so you should plan ahead. Here are BCU’s list of Top 5 World Cup necessities.

1) Enough beer to get everyone in your group to near black-out

img @ amog

According to BCU’s World cup specialists, you are allowed to either drink the beer of your favorite team’s country, or you may stick to a lager or a stout. So stock up on beer, because if there is anytime that your local grocery store will run out of your favorite beer, it’ll be the first week of the World Cup. A good equation to figure out how many beers you need is to multiply the amount of guests by 10, and then get an extra case.

2) Enough water to heal a wicked hangover

img @ earth911

Assuming you go the stout route (rhyming!), your hangovers will be near death experiences. It would behoove you to stock your home with cold, purified water. One of the best parts of the World Cup schedule is drinking at seven in the morning, so keeping hydrated is truly the only way to go the distance.

3) A blanket, scarf, or jersey representing your team

img @ made-in-china

This may seem like a no-brainer, but you’d be surprised by how many people show up to a bar accidentally sporting the colors of the other team. Make sure if you are bringing a less than educated guest with you to a World Cup party or pub, to properly dress them so as to not be ridiculed by everyone surrounding you.

4) A bad attitude

img @ fotki

Alright, perhaps a “bad attitude” is the wrong way to phrase it, but definitely a thick skin and a quick wit to return the empty threats and vulgarities slung from one fan group to the other. Chants, signs, and songs are the most acceptable form of this, although synchronized dance routines and whatever this kid above is doing are perfectly reasonable as well.

5) This shirt

img @ thechive

No one seems to know how or where to locate of shirt with this kind of magnitude of awesomeness, but if you manage to find this elusive gem of a jersey, please make an extra ten or so for the BCU staff. We want… nay – WE NEED THESE SHIRTS.

9 days, friends. Check in tomorrow for our top 5 list of player to watch this World Cup.

this is going to ruin your summer.

Memorial Day is frequently considered the start of Summer. Finally May Gray has ended, and assuming your state doesn’t suck and have to deal with June Gloom, it’s sunshine and bathing suits from here until September. Guess what that means, ladies and gentlemen: time to slim down for Summer! The obvious way to lose a few pounds is by cutting back on fast food and hitting the gym more than once every two weeks, but Men’s Health recently came out with a list of the worst common smoothies to avoid while you’re trying to build your best summer bod. Here’s the run down on the top 3.

3. McDonald’s Triple Thick Chocolate Shake: 1,160 calories

Falling at number three is a shake made in a place that you should probably avoid all together if you’re trying to lose weight. However, this shake takes the fat cake at almost half your daily allowance of calories. To put it in dessert perspective, you could instead eat 13 of their apple pies or 8 vanilla ice cream cones.

2. Smoothie King’s Peanut Power Plus Grape: 1,498 calories

The equivalent of 20 Reese’s Peanut Butter cups. That’s what you should imagine before you sip this fat-filled smoothie. You know the feeling you get after eating 5 Reese’s? Now imagine your poor stomach going through that 4 times over. Not okay for your organ lining or your board shorts’ waist band.

1. The Cold Stone PB&C milkshake: 2,010 calories

The fact that when you walk into Cold Stone it smells like someone is baking a cake inside your nostrils should be the first sign that you should make a beeline out of the shop if you’re trying to look good in your sexy Summer threads. With almost as many calories as your recommended daily intake, you are able to afford one of these, and perhaps a saltine, if you’re trying to lose weight. Oh, and it has 68 grams of saturated fat, if you’re into that.

It’s crunch time, kids- so forgo your usual fattening desserts and instead add protein and healthier fruits and vegetables to your diet, and you’ll be lookin’ bangin’ in your suit in no time!

Read More at Reuters