img @ luxirare

FACTS:

1) It’s a bag.

2) It is black.

3) It’s a bag.

4) People are seriously losing their MINDS over it.

Oh dear, Snookie would not be pleased. The below photo isn’t just a hilarious homage to style of the nineties, and a harsh reminder that at one point turtlenecks (rather snug ribbed ones, at that) were stylish, but also that our favorite douche bag straight from the Jersey Shore was at one point NOT a D-list celebrity. I’ll be honest, it took me a few minutes to figure out which of these embarrassingly-grinning guidos was the Sitch himself, but once I did, it made me laugh even harder.

img via buzzfeed

PS- Sitch himself is in the middle, however with a nose that runs in the family as much as that one, it could be anyone. Eesh.

9 days and counting, people. We’re getting closer to one of the most watched sporting events in the entire world, a month-long booze fest where grown men are reduced to tears and occasionally pissing in their high school soccer shorts.

Now it’s getting to the time when you need to start making your World Cup purchases. Stores everywhere will begin selling out of the things that could make or break your party plans, so you should plan ahead. Here are BCU’s list of Top 5 World Cup necessities.

1) Enough beer to get everyone in your group to near black-out

img @ amog

According to BCU’s World cup specialists, you are allowed to either drink the beer of your favorite team’s country, or you may stick to a lager or a stout. So stock up on beer, because if there is anytime that your local grocery store will run out of your favorite beer, it’ll be the first week of the World Cup. A good equation to figure out how many beers you need is to multiply the amount of guests by 10, and then get an extra case.

2) Enough water to heal a wicked hangover

img @ earth911

Assuming you go the stout route (rhyming!), your hangovers will be near death experiences. It would behoove you to stock your home with cold, purified water. One of the best parts of the World Cup schedule is drinking at seven in the morning, so keeping hydrated is truly the only way to go the distance.

3) A blanket, scarf, or jersey representing your team

img @ made-in-china

This may seem like a no-brainer, but you’d be surprised by how many people show up to a bar accidentally sporting the colors of the other team. Make sure if you are bringing a less than educated guest with you to a World Cup party or pub, to properly dress them so as to not be ridiculed by everyone surrounding you.

4) A bad attitude

img @ fotki

Alright, perhaps a “bad attitude” is the wrong way to phrase it, but definitely a thick skin and a quick wit to return the empty threats and vulgarities slung from one fan group to the other. Chants, signs, and songs are the most acceptable form of this, although synchronized dance routines and whatever this kid above is doing are perfectly reasonable as well.

5) This shirt

img @ thechive

No one seems to know how or where to locate of shirt with this kind of magnitude of awesomeness, but if you manage to find this elusive gem of a jersey, please make an extra ten or so for the BCU staff. We want… nay – WE NEED THESE SHIRTS.

9 days, friends. Check in tomorrow for our top 5 list of player to watch this World Cup.

Forget old 80s VHS tapes with men in Coke-bottle glasses and salmon colored shirts, because this video, made by the Canadian Fortnight Lingerie company, is far and beyond the best CPR instructional video we’ve seen in… well, more than a fortnight, that’s for sure.

It stars two unbelievably hot ladies clad only in bras and panties, giving you the step by step directions on how to properly administer CPR, from “check for danger” (crawl around in your skivvies) to “tilt head back and administer two breaths” (TWO CHICK MAKING OUT), to begin “chest compressions” (THEY’RE FONDLING EACH OTHER OH MY GOD) to “repeat the cycle” (you guessed it: more making out; more fondling).

Had you played this for me at age 14, I think I might still remember how to do CPR, instead thinking it consisted of blowing in someone’s face and then punching them in the sternum.

Venus and Serena Williams are two of the most talented, rockstar tennis athletes in the world. They’re strong, sexy, and are a great testament to what a lot of hard work and dedication can do.

Recently, though, the sisters have been striking tabloids more frequently- Serena was  fined big bucks for cursing out a line judge, and now Venus has decided to get all “controversial sports star in an otherwise non-controversial sport” on us, showing up to a recent match in an ultra-revealing tennis outfit that reminds us of a vampire-ballerina-dominatrix-Barbie or… something. She said the outfit was all about the “illusion.” The illusion of WHAT, we wondered? Tennis isn’t beer pong, Venus, you can’t show off your ta-tas and distract the other players. Right?

Check out more photos of the get-up, including one very revealing butt-shot, at ONTD.