“I’ve made a huge mistake.”

Kanye West and Kim Kardashian are tabloid magazines’ most important couple, and together they are growing a little tabloid spawn in Kim’s ever-growing belly. Despite my dislike of the Kardashian Klan (as noted here, here, and here), I do feel bad for the tiny child that has no clue he’s about to be born into a family that is basically FED by paparazzi. And as we contemplated the craziness Baby Kimye is inheriting, we wondered if Kanye wishes he’d just stuck to a booty call with Miss Kardashian.

Because he shoulda.

And here are three reasons why:

1. He could have avoided the paparazzi circus

We all know Kanye loves attention, but we also know he likes to do it on his own terms, AKA the Taylor Swift Incident. Nowadays, he’s constantly followed by the (probably Kardashian-hired) paparazzi crew. The photos they take of him aren’t always the best, like say the one after he ran into a pole. Had he just done some late night hook ups with Kim, he’d probably end up with a couple grainy snaps in a tabloid magazine.

2. He’d probably have used protection and not gotten her preggers

I’m sure Kanye is excited to make a little miniature version of himself. All self-involved people are. But at the same time, getting pregnant 6 months into dating someone isn’t usually peoples’ first choice. We’d wager a guess that if they weren’t planning anything long term, Kanye would still be boning down with that sweet pre-pregnancy booty.

3. He could still have other hook ups too

One of the best parts about booty calls is that because you don’t have to make any promises of fidelity, so you’re free to hook up with whoever you please. If Kanye hadn’t knocked up one of the most famous women in Hollywood, he’d be free to get booty from anyone, anytime. We imagine that right about now, as he’s screaming about the paparazzi and watching Kim Kardashian’s cryface all the time, he wishes he could blow off some steam by hooking up with a sexy young groupie.

We wish Kim and Kanye all the best, of course. What do you think? Should Kanye have kept Kim as a booty call? Or do you think they’re happy as they are? Let us know in the comments!

And you’re just sitting there at your computer, slaving away for a paycheck. Maybe if you had some TALENT like this incredible guy.

In an interview with Howard Stern Monday morning, comedian April Macie told a story that made me laugh. And then cringe. And then laugh again, but like, in a cringey way. Let’s let April tell this story herself:

“I went to use the bathroom, and I went in and Lance was bent over a bathtub and she was just face deep in his a**hole…I was terrified. And then he came out and said: ‘Does your friend want in on a round too?’ and I was like: ‘Of taint tickling? I’m gonna take a pass’..I think it’s hilarious that he would ask without even knowing my first name—to eat his a**hole. Like: ‘Do you want in on a round too? Of **hole eating?…I got pretty for the evening. I didn’t know he was going to ask me to eat his a**hole later on.

So, in case you were wondering, the answer is YES, Lance Armstrong likes rim jobs.

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At The Hangover Part III premiere in Westwood on Monday, we got to see last week’s Hump Day Hottie, Heather Graham, looking über sexy, as well as Jamie Chung – Real World: San Diego alum and one of the only reality stars to actually “make it.”

And damn did she MAKE IT, as our Hump Day Hottie of the Week!

HELLO, GORGEOUS.

I would imagine that because it’s The Hangover franchise, the female roles get like, 2.7 minutes of screen time, so I probably won’t go see it just to catch a glimpse of Miss Chung and her flawless face and bangin’ body. But thanks to this premiere, I will spend this afternoon Googling pics of her and wondering why I never bothered to watch the made-for-TV film Princess Protection Program. I’m sure it was a four star film.

Congrats, Jamie, on looking sexy, being successful, and not ending up in porn or suing for toothbrush rape. Keep it up!

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When I woke up this morning, I was ready for the day. I was a little sleepy, but I thought you know, we barely have any time on this Earth. You never know when life could be yanked away from you. You can’t predict when a tornado is going to rip through your neighborhood and change your lie forever. So let’s EMBRACE the day and SPEND SOME TIME OUTSIDE and EAT DELICIOUS FOOD and JUST BE ALIVE!

And then I saw this video of pop star Ke$ha drinking her own pee, and I realized that I’m probably better off just staying in bed.

I just… and I, um. It’s like…

This video… is, like… okay I wouldn’t say it’s… I just- you know? Like, it’s 2013, and… I just… would think maybe, um… I don’t know. I just…

I give up. Watch at your own risk.

We’ve all heard the idea that quiet, sheltered girls turn into crazy, sex-loving women. It’s a pretty well-agreed-upon fact that those teenagers tend to “rebel” in the form of boozing, partying, and sexing everyone they meet in college. However, could these students’ high IQ be behind their sexual exploration?

According to a new study, it seems that may be the case. Lovehoney, a European sex toy maker, claims that students at the elite Cambridge University spent the most money on sex toys last year, followed by Oxford students and then Manchester University kids. They also found that another 5 of the top tier schools made the top 20 list of highest sex toy purchases. Could that be because smarter folks are more likely to be sexually adventurous? Maybe, says Lovehoney founder Neal Slateford.

“It is interesting that spending on sex toys is far high amongst students at our elite universities. It’s no bad thing if brainier people are randier but we tend to find that everyone in the UK has become far more interested and relaxed about sex – not just our friends at Oxford and Cambridge.”

Interesting. So… smarter people are crazier in the sack…

Pardon me – I need to go to the library for, um… something.

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Dating online, like dating offline, is often a numbers game. Sometimes you have to search through a lot of profiles before you spot someone who piques your interest. Sometimes you receive a ton of messages from singles you have no interest in meeting. Sometimes it takes months to set up a date before you feel like you’ve been successful. Other times you reel the perfect mate in after 48 hours.

The thing is, the internet has given us all a real “instant gratification” problem. Want to know the capital of Uzbekistan? BOOM. Need to download the new JLo song? DONE. Want a new pair of jeans? AT YOUR HOUSE TOMORROW. However, in the dating world you’re dealing with people – not information or a product, so you’ll have to be patient. And in time, we know you’ll meet someone (or a few people) who are totally awesome. Like these people!

“YES! Met a guy whose desires are the same as mine.” Female, 45, Dundalk, MD

“Met someone… and other guys kept messaging me ;)” Female, 20, Port Townshend, WA

“I met a wonderful guy he’s my everything! It started on this site… we chatted awhile then met in person. He’s a great person. Thanks OBC!” Female, 40, Gainesville, FL

I’m not normally one to post feel-good, make-your-eyes-water videos. For one – you’re probably at work. There is no reason to set you off crying this early. For two, you can find those EVERYWHERE else on the internet, let’s keep this blog to singles advice and things that make you go “WTF.”

However, after yesterday’s devastating tornado in Oklahoma, which has a confirmed death toll of at least 25 with 240 others injured, I felt like a short vid that ends with a soul-crushingly happy moment would be appropriate. Grab your tissues, grab your sunglasses, cause err’body getting teary in here.

mmm. sexy.

The porn industry is nothing if not resourceful. They’re always ready to take advantage of new technology and culture to add to their tawdry world, even if it initially wasn’t sexy in the slightest.

So OBVIOUSLY, when Google announced the arrival of Google Glass, a headset that beams a small screen to your eye, while allowing you to surf the web and take photos and video without even using a smart phone, THEY JUMPED RIGHT IN. Although Google Glass is only available to a limited 2,000 people (and sells for a whopping $1,500), adult-film producers area already looking forward to using them to shoot some p-o-r-n.

Pink Visual, a porn company, says “obviously a device that allows you to shoot high-quality video in a truly hands-free fashion will make shooting point of view (POV) porn that much easier.”

So you know those scenes where you see just the junk of the two (or three) actors and it’s all shaky and it’s not even that enjoyable? Well hooray, WE’RE IN FOR MORE OF THAT!

Our tip? If you’re super into POV porn, just, you know, BECOME the point of view. Get yourself laid. Stop being so lazy.

Speaking of Fred Armisen – this is the best:

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