Man Writes Book About Sex With a Dolphin
Not JUST sex with a dolphin, but a nine-month “intimate relationship” with it. Yep. Put your frosted flakes down, because it gets worse. According to Flash News, 58-year-old Malcolm Brenner is claiming that in 1971 he carried out a relationship with Ruby, a dolphin in captivity at a Florida amusement park (ah yes, the most sane state* in the Union!) and instantly forged a relationship with her. He details this all in his new book (prepare for nausea) Wet Goddess: Recollections of a Dolphin Lover, available on Amazon.com.
He says the dolphin would nuzzle, flirt, and dance for him in the water, making it known that she wanted something more than friendship.
The constant “come-ons” led Brenner to look at Ruby as a person. At the dolphin’s suggestion they got physical and engaged in sex, an experience he calls “phenomenal.”
Brenner says a relationship with a dolphin is hard because they’re clingy and “require attention 24/7.” Since his tryst with Ruby, he’s never loved another.
Oh, man, what a BITCH, that dolphin, huh? Gettin’ all clingy and sh*t after basically being MOLESTED BY A HUMAN PENIS. To be fair, we’ve seen male dolphins try to take advantage of female SCUBA divers, in fact we even released a PSA on it, but that doesn’t change that fact that Brenner had a whirlwind relationship with a FRIGGIN DOLPHIN and then ditched her. I vote we bring him on Ocean Maury (hosted by an octopus, obviously) and get a paternity test to see if Ruby’s child belongs to dead beat Malcolm Brenner because if so he TOTALLY OWES CHILD SUPPORT, GIRLFRIEND.
*it should be noted that beastiality is not illegal in Florida. Obviously.
i dont believe it hes just trying make money on a book what next sex with female lion be for real