via stupidfunnynews

This month is going by so quickly! It seems like just yesterday we were giving dudes lessons on how to get laid on Mardi Gras, and now tomorrow is already St. Patrick’s Day. Whether or not our tips worked for you on Mardi Gras, we have some more for your Patty’s Day adventures. Remember what they say, “if at first you don’t succeed, try, try, and look for booty elsewhere.”

1. Locate the Irish girls.

Redheads might not normally be your style, but on this day, they go out full-fledged and ready to party. Locate the Irish bars in your area (hint: they will have an “O’something” or “Mcwhatever” in their names). These plays not only will be overFLOWING with party-animals, but will also probably have the best drink specials. This is where you want to be if you want to find the most, er… “fun” women.

2. Don’t get too drunk.

We always include this in our “how to get laid” posts and you’re probably like, “okay mom, we get it,” but seriously, dudes, you always use these holidays as an excuse to get back-ass-wards hammered drunk and then wonder why you end the night jerking it while vomiting on yourself. Remember – you might think you’re more attractive drunk, but the ladies do not. I’m not saying you have to be stone-cold sober, but alternating drinks with water and steering clear of the death-procuring “Irish car bombs” is a smart idea that will separate you from the pack (of wolves that your friends will be). Just a nudge and a wink and a “boy are they idiots” look to a girl at a bar and she’ll realize you are the responsible one, and will immediately take her pants off sit down for a drink with you.

3. Carry around a pocketful of 4 leaf clovers (you can find them at any party supply store)…

…and hand them to girls to tell them you must have “just gottrn lucky” to find them. Girls tend to get VERY drunk off the heavy Irish drinks that come along with St. Patrick’s Day because they are used to light beer or fruity margaritas, and having a fun little card like that in your back pocket will drive them nuts. They will most likely immediately put them in their hair, take a hundred pictures of themselves, and swoon over how cute and creative you are. BOOM goes the dynamite.

Repeat these tips to yourself over the next 24 hours before you go out (and make sure to get those clovers!) and prepare your liver and your game for tomorrow’s celebrations. With any luck, you’ll be knockin’ boots with a sexy lassie in no time. And if not well, you know. At least you won’t be puking while you “take care of business.” Either way – SUCCESS!

img @ holytaco

Don’t you wish that every bar had this outside of it? A cute girl with a sign detailing the hotness spread going on inside? Malibu Bar, located in Austin, Texas, has come up with an earth-shatteringly great idea. Never again will you be forced to quickly chug your beers to escape a dreaded Beast Convention, or hastily peek through windows to see if there is even one viable body sitting at a barstool.

Cheers to you, cute girl with honest sign. We only hope some of our local watering holes catch on to this great idea.

img @ dietsinreview

Well, not quite yet. But if we know one thing, it’s that men with mustaches wield a whole lot of power, and a recent poll of the American Mustache Institute, 80% of its members declared they’d prefer the Super Bowl be moved to a Saturday, claiming that it would increase the economic gain for grocery stores, restaurants and bars, and TV networks.

Now, we’re not sure how we feel about destroying the tradition of Super Bowl Sunday, but we’ve got to admit they make some valid points. How many times have you had to drag yourself, or be dragged, into the office Monday morning cause you partied too hard with all your buddies for the Super Bowl?

Check out the full story at Asylum, including a link to sign the petition to move the Super Bowl to Saturday!