If you’re sitting at your desk right now, mourning Monday morning and already counting down the minutes until Friday afternoon (7200ish) because there is no way that anyone in the world could possibly have it worse than you at this very moment, then I have a little gift for you.

The sun is shining just a little bit brighter, isn’t it?

this could be you. don't drink and drive! img @ bass9589

Disclaimer: BCU does not endorse driving under the influence, in fact, our staff probably pays a quarter of the San Diego cab union’s yearly salary, due to our 100% dedication to drinking responsibly. There is nothing funny about putting other peoples’ lives in danger.

HOWEVER, THIS IS HILARIOUS.

The time: Last Wednesday

The place: New Zealand

The person: A VERY dedicated alcoholic

Paul Nigel Sneddon, 47, was feeling depressed. Let go from his job as a baker (apparently he lives in 1827), he decided to do what many of us do — drown his sorrows… for 4 straight days. After his binge, he decided to drive himself home, and oddly enough, that didn’t end well. He crashed his car into a ditch, where it wedged between two trees, trapping him.

Let’s think. What is the next logical step? Use your cell phone to call for help? Try to break a window? See if the backseat doors are working? NO, STUPID. Obviously the next logical step is to sit back, relax, pop open another brewski and wait for help to come to you.

And that’s just what he did. Unfortunately, the police didn’t see the innovation of Paul’s idea, and arrested him for reckless driving and having a blood alcohol content 3 times above the legal limit.

You’ve gotta admit, though, he’s committed to his craft.

Full story @ Reuters

Ah, yes, basketball. A good ol’ fashioned American sport, with guaranteed rioting, bleeped out curse words, and Jack Nicholson with his sunglasses and 20 year old girlfriend watching from the front row. Oh, and also Delonte West boning Lebron’s mom? What? How did I miss that?

Anyway, tonight is game 6 of the NBA finals and the BCU staff is getting excited. With the Lakers back in LA and the series lead by the Celtics, this game is sure to be a thriller. As you know, the BCU staff are the masters of combining drinking with sports, and we’d like to humbly grace you with our findings.

Courtesy of Comedy.com, here is a drinking game for game 6 of the finals.

You will need:

1. 500 Cans of beer (anything but Natural Ice, bleh)
2. Bottle of Hennessy
3. 25-5000 Bottles of Smirnoff Ice (you’ll see why later)
4. One package of old-school Red Solo Cups

To begin, assign everyone a name from the seven below.

Starting Five
The Black Mamba: Every time Kobe Bryant makes a ridiculous shot, this person has to take a ridiculous shot chosen by another player.
Dude Looks Like A Lady: Every time Rajon Rondo steals the ball or passes it behind his back, this person and all the women in the room have to take a swig of beer and/or mixed drink.
The Plumber: This person has to take a shot in the bathroom every time Ray Allen drains a three.
White Man Can’t Jump: This person takes a shot for every time Pau Gasol dunks the ball.
One-Legged Man: This person takes a sip of their drink while standing on one leg every time Andrew Bynum or Kevin Garnett makes a shot.

Role Players
Little Man Syndrome: The shortest person in the party has to take a drink every time Nate Robinson makes a shot.
Lucky Gamer: This person has to roll a pair of dice and take that many drinks every time Lamar Odom makes a shot.

Bonus Shots

Every time Paul Pierce cries like a little girl, down a bottle of Smirnoff Ice (or some other wine cooler). You think you’re man enough to down a Smirnoff Ice now, but wait until you get to the second quarter. Your throat is going to be burning worse than a fire at a toothpick factory.

Ron Artest is fresh off a game-winning layup that helped the Lakers beat the Pheonix Suns in Game 5 of the Conference Finals, but he’s still having trouble finding his shot. Take shot of Hennesy for Ron-Ron for every 3-point shot he makes, or just take one big swig during halftime.

Chug a beer every time Phil Jackson complains about a referee because you know he’s calling them blind, drunk, stupid, or all of the above.

Every time a person pretends to follow sports when they really don’t, take a drink.

Every time that it is mentioned how many times the Lakers and Celtics have faced each other in the NBA Finals (12), everyone has to take a drink of their beer.

Happy drinking, and remember — no one drinks and drives!

9 days and counting, people. We’re getting closer to one of the most watched sporting events in the entire world, a month-long booze fest where grown men are reduced to tears and occasionally pissing in their high school soccer shorts.

Now it’s getting to the time when you need to start making your World Cup purchases. Stores everywhere will begin selling out of the things that could make or break your party plans, so you should plan ahead. Here are BCU’s list of Top 5 World Cup necessities.

1) Enough beer to get everyone in your group to near black-out

img @ amog

According to BCU’s World cup specialists, you are allowed to either drink the beer of your favorite team’s country, or you may stick to a lager or a stout. So stock up on beer, because if there is anytime that your local grocery store will run out of your favorite beer, it’ll be the first week of the World Cup. A good equation to figure out how many beers you need is to multiply the amount of guests by 10, and then get an extra case.

2) Enough water to heal a wicked hangover

img @ earth911

Assuming you go the stout route (rhyming!), your hangovers will be near death experiences. It would behoove you to stock your home with cold, purified water. One of the best parts of the World Cup schedule is drinking at seven in the morning, so keeping hydrated is truly the only way to go the distance.

3) A blanket, scarf, or jersey representing your team

img @ made-in-china

This may seem like a no-brainer, but you’d be surprised by how many people show up to a bar accidentally sporting the colors of the other team. Make sure if you are bringing a less than educated guest with you to a World Cup party or pub, to properly dress them so as to not be ridiculed by everyone surrounding you.

4) A bad attitude

img @ fotki

Alright, perhaps a “bad attitude” is the wrong way to phrase it, but definitely a thick skin and a quick wit to return the empty threats and vulgarities slung from one fan group to the other. Chants, signs, and songs are the most acceptable form of this, although synchronized dance routines and whatever this kid above is doing are perfectly reasonable as well.

5) This shirt

img @ thechive

No one seems to know how or where to locate of shirt with this kind of magnitude of awesomeness, but if you manage to find this elusive gem of a jersey, please make an extra ten or so for the BCU staff. We want… nay – WE NEED THESE SHIRTS.

9 days, friends. Check in tomorrow for our top 5 list of player to watch this World Cup.

As I’m sure you know if you typed in/clicked the URL to this site, the BCU staff is, in general, pro-single lifestyle. Not that there aren’t several million marriages around the world that are probably wonderful examples of two people loving each other unconditionally, it’s just that about half of those people actually don’t love each other unconditionally, they just kind of love each other conditionally.

On top of the fact that 50% of marriages end in divorce, there’s another reason that getting married will ruin your life, and if you’re a guy, it’s glaringly apparent: say goodbye to your bachelor life liberties.

1. Your “Floor-drobe”

img @ zpistole

Women are notorious for trying a million things on before deciding on an outfit, tossing things casually to the floor or bed after deeming them repulsive and unwearable. However, whether it be after we get home for the night, or the next morning, those clothes will go back in the closet for another try-on sesh later. Men, on the other hand, tend to throw everything on the floor immediately from the dryer, and then pick and choose from their floor-drobe what is least wrinkled to wear each day. Guess how many times that’s allowed to happen once you tie the knot: that’s right. Zero times.

2. Pantsless TV time

img @ weirdworm

Just FYI, we know  that on Sundays you move from your bed to the couch  for early morning football games without putting on pants. We also know you run to put on pants right before we get there so you don’t look like a hobo, because there is only one reason a man in pajama pants would be panting. We’re confused and turned off by this practice, but whatever, you’re a bachelor. Once you get married, pantsless TV becomes prohibited.

Also, how come you have time to put your football jersey on but not pants?

3. Shower Beers

img @ webshots

Something about a cold frosty beer mixed with a steamy shower is totally refreshing. I know, cause I’ve done it. However, if you’re bringing a beer into the shower, it has to be a can, and once you get married, crappy canned beer is only allowed during football games and barbeques. Oh, the humanity!

4. Not having food

img @myspaceantics

Why is it that whenever we have the unfortunate task of opening your refrigerator there is only beer and like, mayonnaise in there? You’re going to the store to buy beer anyway, why can’t you just swing through a couple aisles and get food while you’re at it? Whatever. Either way, once you get married, grocery trips are going to include grocery lists, and a woman + grocery list + envelope of coupons = Not fun.

5. Videogames till 5 am

img @ gamepro

We’re in an age when being annoyed with a guy playing video games is like being irritated that the sun is so damn hot. It’s going to happen, there is nothing you can do about it, so you might as well find something good in it. With the sun- get a tan. With a dude- take his credit card to go shopping. Just kidding, that would be illegal.  Anyway- guys- once you get married, your video game privileges are limited to an hour a day or when you can sneak off to a friends house. You’ll feel like your 12 again, and not in a good way.