Before today, we would normally agree with the idea that the need for sex is a natural part of life. We’d say that repressing your desires is unhealthy both mentally and physically for human beings who are biologically pre-disposed to want some booty! However, we now realize that statement is false. It’s not a natural part of life at all. It’s a natural part of life AND DEATH. Good to know.

Via The Houston Chronicle:

According to Dianne Carlisle, there is some afterlife hanky-panky going on inside her Euclid home. “It look like, like ghosts having sex in my living room! They are having sex, you can see the lady’s high heeled shoes!”

Dianne swears it’s true and she has pictures of the dirty deed, if you believe. The photos were snapped by her granddaughter, Kimora, 4, while she was playing with Dianne’s cell phone in the living room. According to Dianne, an apparition is visible showing some ghostly relations.

img via offwithyourjorts

You didn’t think we’d forget that it’s National Booty Awareness month, did you? And we’re in luck, today we barely had to make four clicks before we found something bootylicious to post about, although you might be surprised:

The Canton Safeway near Baltimore Maryland. WHAT? WHAT? Yep, you heard us – according to this item in the Baltimore City Paper, this chain supermarket is the best place to check out some tail. From the source:

Hooray for yoga pants, man. We mean, for dudes it’s the obvious thrill of lowbrow ogling, but for the ladies, too, they rock — best-case scenario they show off your ass, worst case they’re comfortable as shit. They’re basically sweatpants, except tighter and socially acceptable, right? “Going out” sweatpants, if you will. And nowhere in the metro area will you find more on display than at the Canton Safeway. Not for sale though, no, see, what we had meant was . . . OK fine, we admit it, this one’s for the shameless pigs out there. Hot females in yoga pants, running rampant in the aisles, there, we said it. With a bunch of gyms nearby, and, well, Canton all around, Safeway in the early evening is rife with fly honeys clad in formfitting, moisture-wicking goodness, that is to say, women whose interest in physical fitness evinces a preference for clothing that allows for maximum mobility. Insert obligatory Sir Mix-A-Lot reference, if you please.

HA! The uptight readers of the Baltimore City Paper, mind you, did not find this classily written article as astute as I did, but I think it’s hilarious AND spot-on. Everyone knows that yoga pants are a lady’s best friend in terms of showing off her ass-ets, and as somewhat vulgar as the article is – you’ve got to hand it to the dude for the honesty. A +++, would read again.

Tuesdays are just the worst. Like, it’s not Wednesday Humpday which is halfway through the week, and it’s not Monday, which is when you begrudgingly resign yourself to a full 5 days of misery. It’s just TUESDAY, boring, too-far-from-Friday Tuesday; hell even the NAME sounds boring. TOOZ-DAY. BARF.

Well, let me at least brighten your day with some awesome testimonials from members leaving OBC because they met their Mr. or Mrs. Right (or Right Now)!

“I came on this site just looking to have some fun. I had no idea I would find love.” Female, 24, Mount Union, PA

“He doesn’t trust me with this site up n running…Even tho it’s how we met… So I’m deleting it…I’m looking for happiness… And I think I found it!” Female, 25, Tuscon, AZ

“She’s very special, and my soulmate.” Male, 49, Pinson, AL

“Thank you again for allowing me to be a member on your site. I will be back if it doesn’t work out. God Bless!” Female, 43, Decatur, GA

“I met someone… thank you, keep me in mind… may be be back!” Male, 44, Brooklyn, NY

Moral of the story? Get your butt to OBC STAT – and make this boring Tuesday a million times better. Who knows, maybe YOU’LL show up on our top 5 testiMOANials!

Sigh.

Okay, let’s talk about this. The music video below, I think, is proof that Chris Brown is really trying to recreate himself as an artist and a human being, right?… You know, he wants to paint a picture of the man he really is instead of a guy who bashes his girlfriend in the face, or someone who throws a chair through a dressing room window or whatever. So cool, um,  good work. Because you’re really taking the focus of the fact that you’re a ticking time bomb of pent-up misogynistic rage and instead focusing on the fact that you’re a grimy D-grade rapper who spends a lot of  time with Tuesday morning strippers and talking about how you want to use their booties as ATMs. I will go ahead and chock this one up as a WIN*.

CBE – Spend It All (18+) from Mechanical Dummy on Vimeo.

*Of course by WIN I mean LOSE because this is literally the worst music video I have ever seen (and that is saying something considering how much time I spend watching YouTube).

For the next 69 hours, OBC is taking part in Cyber Monday (the online version of Black Friday) and offering ridiculous holiday discounts:

Monthly Gold membership for $6.99 a month, or

$69 dollars for a LIFETIME GOLD MEMBERSHIP

What does this mean? It means you can finally get something out of this holiday shopping weekend other than a lack of sleep, a bruised arm from that fist fight, or a crappy TV that someone put a magnet on top of during shipping. Remember, the happiest time of the year is almost here, and what could make you happier than a stocking full of BOOTY?

Sign up today (or login if you got on the OBC train a long time ago) and upgrade your membership for what is PENNIES a day.

Make December your best month for booty yet!

69 hours… the countdown begins!

Fall has hit San Diego with a vengeance, but I think we’re all taking it pretty well. As a city that did not get to experience much of a summer, we’ve kind of just thrown up our hands and said FINE, SUMMER, WE NEVER LOVED YOU ANYWAY, OH, AND WE’VE BEEN SLEEPING WITH YOUR SISTER. It’s getting colder,becoming darker earlier, and football is here anyway, so we might as well just accept the fact that 2010 was the year of no summer.

Needless to say, it’s time to leave the summer dating mentality behind and gear up for fall, so here are BCU’s top dos and don’ts for fall dating.

DO – SPORT THINGS

Whether its at your local bar or overpriced nosebleed section seats at the stadium itself- October is the best month for sports. Not only has football started, but postseason baseball is also going down, which is (fact) the only time that baseball is ever exciting ever. Call up your SO, FWB, or BC (significant other, friend with benefits, or booty call, respectively) and drink some beers while watching your favorite sports team either beat or get beaten to a bloody pathetic pulp (hopefully the former or you might not get laid).

DON’T – BEACH

There is some weird, unfounded idea going around that being at the beach during fall is romantic or sexy or something. Let’s be clear on this: IT IS NOT. It is cold, it is sandy, it is dark, there are homeless people everywhere, and oh yeah IT IS F—ING COLD. There is a reason the beach is, and forever will be, associated with the summer: that is the only time it is not a hellacious frozen landscape.

DO – JACUZZI

Oppositely, the jacuzzi is a body of water that is only really fun during the fall! It’s cold enough that the hot water and cool air feel amazing, but not cold enough that the water freezes to your skin when you get out and gives you a mad case of Raisinettes, if you know what I mean. Grab a bottle of wine and let the hot water warm your body and spark your sex drive! Note: do not attempt the porno-inspired jacuzzi sex. Chlorine, as a chemical,  is as about as dry and abrasive as desert sand. Please, for the love of self-lubricating body parts, DO NOT DO THIS. Oh, and on that note:

DON’T – FORGET ABOUT THE GYM

Just because you own that sweater and jacket combo that manipulate your fat in almost wizard-like ways, does not mean we won’t notice it all spill forth like a tidal wave of lard once the clothes come off. EESH.

DO – ENJOY IT WHILE IT LASTS

Go out there, meet some new people, and enjoy the fall for what it is – a segue between two polar opposite dating seasons. Before you know it, it’s going to be winter, with its frozen wasteland of pasty skin, wet hair, and bad moods. Get some booty while you can!

Happy fall dating!

New England

img @ mnn.com

The east coast showcases their beauty during this time of the year with cool weather, gorgeous scenery, and thousands of co-eds going back to school. Hitting a college town with some friends for Homecoming weekend can be a great opportunity to meet some hot singles just back from summer vacation. What happens in Massachusetts stays in Massachusetts, isn’t that what they say?

Munich, Germany

One word: Oktoberfest. If the movie Beerfest (I’m pretty sure that’s a documentary, right?) is to be believed, this city during fall is consistently overflowing with the tastiest lagers, disturbingly hot beer-wenches and women who have no problems flashing you to distract you from beer-pong. It’s like Girls Gone Wild except minus the daddy issues.

San Francisco, CA

img @ thelightisgreen

A great spot for people who are open to new experiences, San Francisco is a great fall destination. As its warm weather is just starting with the beginning of September, you’ll get a rare glimpse into the city’s mild climate. From Haight-Ashbury’s strange shops to Pier 39s seals (and amazing clam chowder), there’s something for everyone. And for the singles out there looking for a vacay hookup, the nightlife is great too, especially for the open-minded — San Fransisco has one of the biggest gay populations in America.

Miami, Florida

img @ nytimes

If you’re not a cold-weather-loving person (and we’d understand why), escape the cooler weather and head where it’s warm year-round. Because it’s a tropical area, although it’s an 86 degree day today, for example, it’s raining. However, if you can get past the spontaneous rainstorms you’ll get to experience some of the hottest nightlife the east coast has to offer, as well as hot singles from around the world. If you’re not into the orange-leaves and hot-soup type of vacations (but are into more Latin singles than you can imagine), this is your destination.

Napa Valley

img @ thisislondon.uk

For wine connoisseurs or just people who want a relaxing weekend in a beautiful scenic valley, Napa’s fall season is the best time to see this California city at its best. Not only is it harvest season, but the weather is still warm in the region. Unlike our previous destinations, this isn’t exactly a post where you’d meet a hot new booty call, but maybe bring your favorite from home. If you live near the area, taking a party bus or limo with a group of friends on a winery tour can also be a great way to break the ice between you and that friend-of-a-friend you’ve been eying. Whichever method you choose — a little red wine and a gorgeous sunset can go a long way ;).

When a lady walks by and she’s wearing like, I don’t know, thin white pants, or a skin-tight dress, or teeny short shorts, and you’re thinking like, man, she really needs some work down there, what is the first thing that comes to mind? Is it

A) She should probably hit the gym.

B) She should cut back on the doughnuts.

C) She should probably start buying a size larger, or

D) She should definitely get a BOOTY ENHANCEMENT spell cast by a powerful Wiccan Witch. Definitely.

We at BCU tend to either A, B, or C, or maybe a combination of them all. But hey, what do we know*, right? I mean for $8.95, it’s quite a steal! And free shipping?! SIGN ME UP. Just kidding. Don’t do that.

**Actually, we know that this is probably a ridiculous ploy by some woman who smells like cat litter and nag champa and lives in an attic somewhere.

img @ timeinc

Celery is a very versatile vegetable, from being the garnish you ignore in your hot wing basket to “ants on a log” childhood lunch staples. However, recent studies have given guys a new reason to start chomping on that nothing-flavored plant: it’s makes you more attractive to women!

According to the authors of the book Stay Young: Ten Proven Steps to Ultimate Health, celery actually increases the amount of pheromones a man excretes in his sweat. Pheromones, of course are the chemicals that humans decipher as signals to, well, get some booty, so apparently, adding more celery to your diet will basically make women impervious to your sexual advances!

The effects of eating celery are almost immediate, which is great considering our need for immediate gratification, and they don’t stop once you’ve snagged the girl. The authors also say that eating celery will increase your sex drive and create stronger climaxes.

Get to the grocery store quick and “stalk” up on celery today before the word gets out! And don’t make fun on my dumb joke or I’ll be forced to punch you in the head.

Read more at Asylum

The beanbag chair has a terrible reputation, considering you usually only find them in peoples’ basements or college dorm rooms or your loser cousin’s living room next to his “end table” that’s actually the box his microwave came in.

However, a visit to Asylum informed us that a new line of bean bags has arrived that may bring the bean bag back to its 1970s height of popularity, and they are called Booty Beanbags. Visiting the site, you’ll notice they use hot chicks as their models and suggestive quips like, “Expecting company? Check out the Chofa for three.” Because I’m sure you, like me, have always wanted to have a threesome on an unwieldy hacky sack that sinks in the middle.

If you’re like we were and are a little suspicious of whether or not a bean bag could get you laid, head on over to the Booty Babes section of the website. These leggy models are seemingly proof that the Booty Beanbag could your must-buy furniture piece of the season.

Go shopping for these Booty Beanbags at their store