Did you participate in any fantasy football leagues this season? I’m sorry, let me rephrase that. Are you a young adult male with an interest in sports? Then you probably found yourself making some bets this past few months that ended pretty poorly for your wallet. I know a person who made a $300 bet that the Packers would go undefeated all season. He is pretty sad that he couldn’t buy that Blu-Ray player he’d been wanting.

However, I bet you’d be willing to double the amount you shelled out to friends this season as long as it meant you didn’t have to do anything as humiliating and disgusting as eating your friend’s chest hair as a garnish on your breakfast. ESPN is at it again with another hilarious commercial (this one kills me every time) that will really hit home for all you football fans out there who passionately (or drunkenly) made a bet that did not end in your favor.

Inst-classic!

They are REALLY good with their feet, after all.

Come on, that hair? And the hats? And the limitless talent that makes the Patriots nearly as unstoppable as the Packers? AND GISELE? AND THOSE HATS?

We feel you, kid. He IS the worst.

As a Charger fan, my Sundays have officially died. Sure I can go to brunch and maybe watch some other games and see friends and have a couple beers, but the excitement and fanfare and comradeship of having Charger Super Bowl hopes is now over. Sure, it’s still mathematically possible for the Chargers to make it to the playoffs, but we’re used to having our dreams dashed and will probably spend the rest of the Sundays until January crying into our Chargers Snuggies and drinking Jack from the bottle.

I think Nick Novak, the Chargers kicker who did fantastically all year and then missed two huge field goals yesterday exemplified our sadness when he yanked out his junk and peed on the sidelines. The camera decided to stay on him throughout the whole pee, so that we could all feel his hopes and dreams pour out his urethra in front of millions of Americans.

Happy Monday everyone. Except any Denver fans. You are dead to me.

I LOVE excessive celebration. I adore it when players bust out the Dougie or do some other silly little dance in the endzone and I think it’s ridiculous that there is a rule against it. Are you kidding me?! You consider a 20 second jig after a touchdown to be “excessive” in a sport where the players make MORE THAN THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES? The entire GAME is excessive, so why not let us be entertained by a 300 pound guy brushin’ his shoulders off?

Anyhow, this video of Chicago Bear Marion Barber attempting a celebratory backflip after scoring a 3-yard touchdown this weekend is my favorite thing of the week thus far, because it combines two awesome things: excessive celebration, and crippling embarrassment. CHA-CHING.

Look – we in San Diego aren’t really allowed to judge other football teams. Our quarterback, while talented, looks like a chubby 12-year-old and acts like one too, and our defensive and running games are both fairly embarrassing. However, after seeing the next two videos, I have to give us credit for never pulling either of the moves in the next two vids, courtesy of the NY Giants.

In the first video, we have 7-year-veteran OLB Michael Boley getting a teensy-bit too excited after scoring a touchdown during the Giants’ Monday Night Football game against the Rams, because instead of throwing the ball at the ground and doing a jig, he PEGGED THE BALL AT AN INTERN’S FRIGGIN FACE I AM NOT KIDDING. He either didn’t realize his mistake or just didn’t care, because we definitely don’t see an apology in the moments following. Whatta jerk.

In the next video, we see something that’s usually reserved for the Euro-trash in soccer – a little something called “diving,” or clearly faking an injury. The video actually seems to show two separate falls by members of the Giants, although safety Deon Grant’s fall and subsequent injury is being called total bullsh*t. From ESPN –

“They couldn’t get subbed, they couldn’t line up,” Rams quarterback Sam Bradford said. “Someone said, ‘Someone go down, someone go down,’ so someone just went down and grabbed a cramp.”

We of course can’t be sure the injury was faked unless Grant admits it, but for the time being we can watch the video over and over again and shake our heads in disgust because THE MAN IS CLEARLY FAKING, YOU TURD.

Go sit in a corner and think about what you’ve done, Giants. You’re grounded.

I am confused. Is there some sort of secret pact among NFL quarterbacks to see who can endorse the most embarrassing product? I mean, it made sense when Brett Favre was the face of Wrangler, because he is 98 and old people love Wranglers, and then Tim Tebow did that anti-abortion thing during the Super Bowl, and now Tom Brady, most coiffed QB in the league, is selling UGGS? UGGS? Those things girls start wearing halfway through sophomore year of college and you know they’ve given up on their looks forever?! The shoes that his supermodel wifey would rather burn as fuel than ever put on her feet? The shoes that say, “yeah I have snow man feet, SO WHAT”?????

I’m convinced that UGGs must have offered him infinity dollars. I refuse to believe he would accept anything less.

You’re looking for a booty call on TWITTER, PACMAN JONES? TWITTER?!?!?!? You do realize that just clicks away there is a website dedicated to finding you the hottest singles in the nation, all looking for fun times without the commitment, down to party and hookup, and you can communicate with privacy instead of on the world’s most public social networking site, right?!! The NFL lockout is over, dude – you don’t need to be slumming on the street corners of Twitter!

And to those ladies who so classily offered themselves up to the football star, who has previously been accused of hitting strippers and BITING BOUNCERS AT CLUBS - come on, ladies. You’re making the rest of us look bad.

You can finally come out of your basements and put the canned goods away, gentlemen, because according to the Los Angeles Times, the NFL lockout is nearly over as players and owners finally come to a deal. All that’s left  is for the 1,900 players to vote on the deal, after which free agency and training camps can start up again.

The actual timeline is up for debate, with players and media largely speculating on when free agency might begin, estimates ranging from late Monday to Saturday, and every day in between.

Not up for debate is the notion that the four-month lockout is over and football is on the way.

How did that feel just now? Did you cream a little in your jeans? I bet you did, dude.

You heard right, boys. That means you men will be all set and ready to gain 30 pounds in nachos and beer this fall and curse at the television and pretending not to cry when your fantasy team is knocked out of the finals. Trust me, that’s when you look most attractive.

Unfortunately, the video has been taken down, supposedly for copyright reasons, but more likely because Tony Romo’s feelings got hurt. Luckily, yours truly caught a glimpse before it was rudely removed, and let me tell you.  Maybe all wedding videos are embarrassing, but.

In the case of Tony Romo and his bride, Candice Crawford’s wedding video, however, it is embarrassing for several, BRAND NEW, unprecedented reasons. Reason #1:

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHH. Hi, six year old Tony Romo! When you grow up and decide to get married someday, don’t forget to maybe put a comb through your hair like once, ok?

Reason #2. One word: Coldplay.

Reason #3. Can you IMAGINE the faces on the rest of the Cowboys’ faces when they saw the five minute long, Nicholas Sparks looking, hilariously cheeseballs video? Do you think they were able to stifle their laughter appropriately, or do think someone vomited into their seafood risotto? I’m guessing the latter.

Reason #4: The Dallas Observer said it looked like “Bad-Ass Movie Trailer.” I’m sure. I mean add it to the list right between Iron Man and The Departed, amiright?! BAD-ASS!

Reason #5: Well, I don’t want to be too mean to the goofiest lookin’ guy in NFL football, so I’ll stop here. But in my oh-so-humble opinion, this video just HAD to be his new wife’s idea. Candice Crawford is the sister of Gossip Girl actor Chace Crawford, and a Texas sports-commentator, AND a former beauty queen. For a alpha-male quarterback like Tony Romo to let his blondie wife force him into one of the corniest, most cringe-inducing wedding videos ever, I can only guess one thing:

DAT BOY IS WHIPPED.