Our quarterly fail reports are in and it seems August has been our most fail-ccessful month this year! Congratu-fail-lations everyone, bonuses for all!

(I don’t know that much about business.)

pure gold.

I’d like to provide some commentary, but anything I say will pale in comparison to the hilarity of this video. Just… just watch it.

Something about these two drunk girls in bathing suits being pushed in a shopping cart off a curb and face-planting into the hot asphalt makes me never want to drink again. And the other something about this video makes me want to crack open a beer, watch it again, and laugh. What to do, what to do.

Just when you thought that morning newscasts couldn’t possibly become less watchable… when you thought that there was nothing in the world more embarrassing than a watching the forced, awkward jokes of 75 year old weathermen with Botoxed earlobes, a gem like this comes around and reminds you that in the entertainment world, morning news is where celebrities go to die.

While I applaud the scientists at UC Berkeley for their thousands of man hours put into furthering the public’s knowledge of robotics, and am very impressed that they were able to make a machine capable of feeling textures, matching colors and pairing things, I’m pretty sure the phrase isn’t “‘Menial chore you can do naked on your couch while watching Top Chef reruns’ Sells.” We’re pretty sure it’s “Sex Sells,” and whatever this guy is doing at about :20 seconds in seems to be the latter.