Talk about some spice for the Kardashian divorce scandal! It’s like if Kim took the salt and pepper and gently seasoned our steak, and Kris came over with a bottle of sriracha and said HOW ABOUT THAT?!

According to TheHuffingtonPost, Just weeks after Kim Kardashian filed for divorce from her husband of 72 days, Kris fired back, filing for an annulment. And annulment is only possible if the marriage is deemed never valid, like for example if the entire thing was fraud, which I’m pretty sure is the word that adorns the Kardashian family crest. “Kardashian… love, honor, FRAUD.”

“There’s a clear conflict if one spouse is seeking a divorce, but the other wants an annulment,” family law attorney Scott Weston, told People. “A judge will have to decide which to allow, which could take many months.”

I can only hope that after all this dust settles, Kris writes a tell all book talking about how their marriage was a publicity stunt and that Kim is actually a cyborg created by her mother and feeds off tabloid pages and silicone injections. Ohhhhh pretty please pretty please let that be the case. Although, if Kim is a cyborg, I’m sure there was a non-disclosure agreement. DAMN YOU, CYBORG KIIIIIMMMMM!!!!

One time, my “friend” went to this sex shop. She had big plans for the night, so she wandered the aisles and was shocked (SHOCKED!) to realize at the cash register that she had managed to spend $250 at this sex shop. My “friend” couldn’t believe that she’d racked up that kind of bill at a store whose most expensive items are like, fifty bucks. My FRIEND has been much more discerning in her sex shop purchases since then.

Such a story wouldn’t happen to music superstar Rihanna, who was seen stopping into Paris sex shop Lovestore last week and walking out having slapped down $1,500 on sexy items. The singer, who was photographed holding an Ellen van Unwerth book on her way out, and “seemed to be in a hurry to get back to her hotel,” according to the NewYorkPost.

I guess if I had the kind of dough to blow over a grand on gold encrusted dildos I’d be “grinning from ear to ear” too. I mean, my FRIEND would. Not me. My friend.

Good god, it’s like an epidemic this year! What with these two and these guys and this couple and them, something in the water in 2011 is causing celebrity couples to hate each other (I blame global warming). And now divorce has come and wreaked havoc upon what the world thought was the most perfect couple – Will and Jada Pinkett Smith. The smokin’ hot power couple, who have been together for 13 years and have two celebrity kids – Jaden and Willow- and were long hailed as having the gold standard for healthy marriages.

Today is reporting the story from an “insider,” and although the couple’s publicist has yet to respond to the rumor, it seems as though everyone is taking this gossip as fact. Similar to if you were in the arctic and someone said “man that water is cold,” you wouldn’t say “NUH UH, I HAVE TO TRY IT FIRST HAND.” (Translation: Hollywood is a toxic wasteland and divorce is inevitable.)

img via SplashNews

In “oh god no why’d you ruin my dreams” News, The Superficial is reporting that during a concert in Sydney, Australia, Enrique Iglesias spilled some information that may ruin his sex appeal for millions of women around the world. He apparently brought a bunch of guys on stage for a, um, inspirational story time? I guess? and shared with them some interesting information, from the fact that he was a virgin till he was 25 (and then redacted it and said 17), that his first time in the sack he lasted 2 seconds, that he “can’t even last eight minutes now,” and this gem:

“What does Spanish good looks have to do with the size of your penis? Maybe I have the Spanish looks but I have the smallest penis in the world. I’m serious.“

Hear that? Listen to the wind… That’s the sounds of a million vaginas drying up like sponges in a microwave.

I just wonder what brings a man to discuss these types of things in front of thousands of fans. It’s like he’s trying to de-sexify himself. Like he’s trying to slowly convince the world that he isn’t a world-famous sex-symbol crooner with a great body. Like women shouldn’t fantasize about-

Oh

MY

GOD.

Is Enrique Iglesias GAY?

Sweet baby Jesus. If he goes the way of Ricky Martin, my mother is going to be so, so sad.

Speaking of the Masters, Tiger actually did much better than he has in months, but unfortunately, as an ESPN blogger pointed out, “He crushed all the elephants and got stampeded by the squirrels.” In other words, most of his swings looked like textbook perfection, but then it came to putts where he looked like a blind 3-year old at a mini golf course. It was sad really, but the whole weekend showed that maybe Tiger has what it takes to get back in the game. And all of this after a week of partying and playing craps in the Bahamas?

As TMZ stated, this could be proof that Tiger is better at his job when he’s not trying to be a husband – he was great back in the Vegas hooker days and he’s getting great while gambling now! It was that little wedge in the middle where he was a sad little man trying to win back his wife that he turned into a crappy player.

Reason 340,176 to not get married: you’ll be WAY better at golf without it!

Throughout all the Charlie Sheen drama of the past few weeks (including the cops being called yesterday for him supposedly threatening to shoot himself, which I can not BELIEVE I didn’t add to the What’s Next for Charlie Sheen Poll), we haven’t really heard much from two of the people in his life who will be affected most by his little rampage – his co-stars from Two and Half Men, Jon Cryer and Angus T. Jones. However, finally one of them has made a statement.

Last night Jon Cryer went on Conan to set the record straight. For the past week, Charlie Sheen has been throwing the world “troll” around in regards to his feud with Two and a Half Men creator Chuck Lorre, saying that anyone who is not on his side is “on the side of the trolls.” Now, I was dismissing his strange word choice as a side-effect to consuming multiple ounces of cocaine and sleeping with porn stars, but apparently there actually was some accuracy to his statements. Watch the video below to see Jon Cryer finally speak out about the degrading statements made about him. It’s quite touching.

Just another example of how divorce (and by association marriage) ruins people: recently divorced superstar Christina Aguilara was arrested last night.

The ‘Burlesque’ star, who filed for divorce in October of 2010, has been on a rampage of embarrassments the last few months, from screwing up the National Anthem at the Super Bowl to falling on her ass at the Grammy’s, to allegedly having sex in the bathroom at her parent’s parties a couple weeks ago and just generally being wasted 24 hours a day. And it all came to its zenith early this morning when the singer was arrested in Hollywood for public intoxication. According to TMZ, after her boyfriend was pulled over for driving under the influence and arrested, the cops determined that she was “extremely intoxicated” … and since she was “unable to care for herself,” she too was taken into custody.

Her boyfriend, Matthew Rutler, had his bail set at $30,000 for his misdemeanor DUI. Sources say they’ve been trying to get Christina into rehab for weeks, so hopefully this is the nail in her don’t-turn-into-Snooki coffin.

Apparently attempting to legitimize the sanctity of marriage, Jesse James has come out announcing that he is engaged to tattoo-artist Kat Von D, after bring her to the very classy Art of Elysium charity event last week with a giant rock on her hand. Despite the fact that he has proven his respect for marriage vows is as strong as his hairline (that is to say, not strong) (because he’s balding) (like, real bad), he was quoted saying,

“2010 was actually the best year of my life because I fell in love with my best friend. An amazing woman who stood behind me when the world turned their backs.“

You know, because nothing makes a year absolutely A+++ gold star spectacular than cheating on your wife with a psychotic ED HARDY SHIRT COME TO LIFE.

At BCU we often talk about holding off on marriage – waiting until you’ve had your fun in the single life, avoiding long-term commitments until you’re 105% sure that you’re ready for fidelity. And maybe Jesse James made a mistake… Maybe he married too soon – we can’t judge him for that. But when you go from sweet, sweet, angel doll Sandra Bullock to 2 consecutive walking dry-erase boards within 12 months, we have to wonder if you’re really ever cut out to make decisions for yourself for marriage, period.

Eh, either way, we wish him luck. Sort of.

IMPORTANT NEWS FLASH: Miley Cyrus is an 18 year old [TMZ]

Justin Bieber teaches Barbara Walters how to Dougie, I think [Jezebel]

Taylor Momsen thinks young girls should masturbate more so that’s nice [The Superficial]

Nude pics of Christina Aguilara were somehow not as exciting as you might have thought [theBlemish]

Cher doesn’t care that we think she’s way too old and decrepit to be showing this much skin. [Jezebel]

This guy lived out our wildest dreams by shooting a hole in his television at the mere sight of Bristol Palin on Dancing With the Stars. YOU GO, STEVE COWEN. [Dlisted]

Eva Longoria is about to be back on the market, everyone. Hit the gym. [The Superficial]

We love looking at Natalie Portman’s hot P of A so much, we’ve shown you twice: as a video on [BCU] and as stills at [TheBlemish]

The Prince of England is getting married and apparently people care? [People]

Oh GOD NO! Blade is going to prison! NOOOOOO! [Huffington Post]

Harry Potter came out and apparently I REALLY F*CKING CARE, OKAY [NY Times]

The one from Jersey Shore that isn’t Snooki or JWoww has come out with a song. Have you ever heard the sound of chalk on a blackboard of the back of a dying hyena? NOW YOU HAVE! When we asked Dean of BCU Moses Brown what he thought, his thoughtful response was as follows:

“Fortunately, I was forewarned of this disaster, but like those who disregard hurricane warnings from the emergency broadcast system, I pushed the play button anyway. Synthesized instruments and auto-tuned vocals did not dampen the ensuing agony that only an English manicure could produce. What is “I’m Hot” by Angelina, Alex? In the end, it wasn’t pure torture without reward. There it was after the 4:25 of misery — similar to a shake-weight exercise routine in public: Laughter.”

If that doesn’t make you want to listen to it, I don’t know what will. But just… have a bucket nearby.