If you have been living in a cave under a rock in the Afghanistan desert and are also deaf and blind and don’t have Twitter, you may not have heard about the release of the iPhone 4S, Apple’s most recent smart phone that, of course, is both impressing and DEPRESSING Apple fan-boys around the world. Its most talked about feature is Siri, a virtual personal assistant of sorts that goes far beyond the normal voice-recognition of phones prior to it. Siri can answer about any question you lob at her, from “find me pizza” to “remind me to call my dad on his birthday.”

However, one question that hasn’t been asked is “Is Siri Racist?” but don’t worry, this Asian dude has the answer.

(Hint: the answer is no, but apparently I am, because I think this is hi-laaaaar-ious)

Well, there goes my hypothesis. I had assumed for the past few years that Steve Jobs himself had been spreading the rumors about finalizing a contract with Verizon as a joke. Like maybe he thought it was just hilarious to watch Verizon users get mad cases of blue balls every three months. Or perhaps he had developed some sort of creepy sexual fetish for watching people squirm in their chairs, buying iPhone cases and eagerly monitoring any news blip that would suggest they might FINALLY be able to use precious, precious FaceTime without having to become a lowly AT&T user.

But, alas, I am wrong. Apparently Verizon really has closed a deal with Apple and will finally be selling iPhones as soon as February 4th. I imagine there are tons of people who finally broke down and bought Androids last week that are screaming like Luke Skywalker when he found out who his pops was. Via BuzzFeed:

The deets:

The Verizon iPhone 4 will support all of the same features that AT&T customers are used to, like FaceTime and the Retina Display. There will also be a Wi-Fi hotspot feature allowing up to 5 devices to share a connection.

The price:

32 GB Devices – $299.99 16 GB Devices – $199.99

The network:

While AT&T customers have become all too familiar with the congested 3G network and the problems with the iPhone 4′s antennae, The Verizon iPhone is Optimized to work on CDMA EVDO network.

The downside:

Although Verizon’s CDMA network doesn’t currently suffer from the same sort of congestion issues as AT&T’s 3G network, receiving a call will cause data transmission to drop.

And once again, like with cable companies, politicians, and frozen pizza brands, we’re faced with the lesser or two evils. What will YOU choose?

I’ve never really understood Cosmo’s approach to sex advice. Cracked once featured an article showing some of the weird, creepy, and sometimes horrifically dangerous tips the ladies mag dishes out, including (but not limited to ) biting your dude’s SCROTUM, to give you an idea. So when Gizmodo recently revealed that Cosmo had created a “sex position of the day” app, we were sure it would produce some great laughs, and probabaly a few cringes from the guys.

As you can see above, the app gives you the position name(Passion Pretzel? Are you sh—ing me?) a description of how to perform the ridiculous position (mmm, nothing is as sexy as a woman awkwardly wedging her body against a bathtub) as well as a “carnal challenge” rating, with one to five flames to let you know the likelihood that you’ll fail at even getting into the position and end up sadly eating a bag of Fritos naked on the bathroom floor.

On the app rating scale, we give the Cosmo sex position of the day 2 stars — that extra one comes from the laughs.

We over here at the BCU offices don’t condone illegal activity, which means, of course, that we definitely don’t indulge in the celebrations that some do on this 20th of April. However, if we were to, we’d probably utilize the new KLUCKR app for the iPhone.

The KLUCKR app is a program that helps you find the best chicken wings in your area, based on Heat, Variety, Quantity, Value, and Atmosphere. It’s free, and you can even add to it if you feel they’re missing a hot spot.

Imagine you wake up with a raging hangover and a craving for a dozen of the best super spicy wings at a really cheap price in San Diego. KLUCKR sends you to Bubs Dive Bar in Pacific Beach. Based on my experience there, this is pretty damn accurate. Check out the KLUCKR app today, but not if you have a booty call set up for later! ;)

So we’ve covered the Playboy app and the Fap App, and now you’re thinking, well that’s great, all that stimulation from my phone, where do I find some real action? Well, obviously your answer is at your fingertips (OBC, silly!), but if you’re out shopping and are in need of a hookup, the PinpointsX app is what you’ll need. Membership to the program will sign up your phone to the GPS system, helping you locate other singles, couples, or escort services in your area on your “Passion Map”…

We’re not so sure about this little program… maybe if the device could direct you to the nearest STD clinic, we’d be set!

Read more at Asylum

Colorado filmmaker Dan Woolley was in Haiti filming a documentary when the country was rocked by a 7.0 earthquake last Tuesday. When the building he was in collapsed on top of him, he feared he would die. That is, until he remembered he had his iPhone with him.

He first used the flashlight feature to find his way into an elevator shaft. Then he used a medical app to diagnose his broken foot, learn how to fold a makeshift bandage and tourniquet, and how to stop the bleeding from his head. Here’s where it gets crazy: because Wooley read that falling asleep while being in shock can be fatal, he set his iPhone alarm to go off every 20 minutes. Each of these different iPhone apps were essential to helping this man survive the 65 hours until help came. I would have just played “Words With Friends” until somebody came looking for me.

Apple for the win!

Read more @ Wired

img @ zcache

Wired Magazine just posted a pretty funny list of things we’ll most likely be saying to our grand children in the far flung future. It wasn’t so long ago that we had no idea what a “tweet” was and mobile phones weighed 10 pounds.

Our personal favorite? Number 3: “Televised contests gave cash prizes to whoever could store the most data in their head.”

As crazy as it sounds, hundreds of users have already signed on to publicize their public sex romps, with or without a partner. I guess my only gripe is how genuinely disturbing some of these people’s descriptions are… I guess you’re gonna have to go find out for yourself…

FapMapper.com

With features very similar to the iPhone, as well as the capability of using it on any network, could a phone rivaling the omnipresent iPhone finally have arrived?

More @ AndroidGuys

img @ thehollywoodgossip

Of course, Playboy is known from some great articles, but let’s face it, the highlight of the magazine isn’t the text. That’s for sure! While we’re excited to get an app where we can check up on our favorite Playboy bunnies, it does seem a little strange that Apple didn’t approve Playboy’s nudity…