img @ gettyimages

As you may have deduced from my less-than-stellar coverage of the World Cup and the NBA Finals, I am pretty illiterate (and indifferent) when it comes to sports that involve balls. And yes, that works both ways.

However, it would take someone living under a rock to have not been hearing the overwhelming buzz regarding LeBron James’ decision to leave the Cleveland Cavaliers and switch teams to the Miami Heat. As you might expect, the people of Cleveland are heart-wrenchingly depressed/rabies-ridden-doglike  that their Golden LBJ is leaving.

I remember when LT left the Chargers and people were like, “Aww. Well, good luck, LT, you were awesome!” But apparently in this case with LeBron people are burning his jersey? And Spike Lee is saying that if the Heat play the Cavs,“they’re going to need the National Guard. I’m not trying to blow this up, but they’re going to need the National Guard.” Um, ok, Spike Lee. Thanks for your not at all maniacal input.

Needless to say, it’s not just the Cleve that’s angry about the decision. James’ other likely options were to go to the Knicks or the Bulls, and both of those cities are almost equally as furious as the Cavaliers fans — apparently the Knicks wanted LeBron so bad that half the chefs in the city offered him free meals for LIFE, including Mario Batali of the Food Network, who offered a dinner every two weeks, “wherever you want, up to 20 people. I will make a dinner, not an Iron Chef dinner, a delicious dinner, in New York City.” I half expected him to throw in a blowey for no extra charge.

I mean, I understand that a great player like LeBron can increase tourism and revenue and complete the trifecta of awesome sports teams (because can we all agree that the Nets AND the Knicks are embarrassments?), but can America  just take a moment to realize that half of America has been hanging on the words of a giant in a purple shirt who plays a child’s game for a living?

JUST KIDDING, SPORTS > LIFE.

Source info @ USAToday and NBA.com.

img @ guzer

Miami, Florida is known for many things. Warm sandy beaches, delicious Latin food, and the delicious Latin lady butts that are inextricably entangled with the the two.

So it’s not really a surprise at this point that 22 year old Marcus Raucher became known as the Serial Booty Grabber. His taste for copping a feel must

El Creepo

have gotten the best of him, because he began trolling the streets of Miami, searching for curvaceous women who seemed to be in need of a nice squeeze. His technique? Brandishing a knife, demanding the woman hand over her belongings, and then just for good measure, grabbin’ some T and A on the way out.

It was only a matter of time before police caught onto the legend of the Serial Booty Grabber, and when one woman was able to fight him off, he was arrested and sentenced to jail time for armed robbery. Apparently there isn’t a category for premeditated fondling.

Maybe there he’ll get a taste of his own medicine.

Story vis NBC Miami

Do you have adult onset ADHD? Does sitting for extended periods of time make you nervous and uncomfortable, even if football is on TV? Never fear, because the fine folks over at HolyTaco have created a Bingo card drinking game for the Super Bowl that will keep you entertained (and possibly belligerent) for the entire 4 quarters.  Print, and enjoy!

This video is probably the most hilarious thing that will happen to the Super Bowl this year, unless by some miracle Drew Brees and Peyton Manning bust out a choreographed rendition of Pants on the Ground in the middle of the Sun Life Stadium. Enjoy.

Remember a few days ago, when we posted rules for throwing a great Super Bowl? And how one of them was “Nix the Decorations?” Well, we’re gonna have to go ahead and add a footnote: if you have the incredible skills of the team at Break Media- keep the decorations. Below you see the most awesome Snack Stadium of all time. Every bit of the stadium is edible, from the massive chocolate cake field to the Twinkie-cars in the parking lot, to the strategically divided chip variations in the stands. At 4 feet by 7 feet, the sheer size of this appetizer building is awe-inspiring. To the culinary and architectural geniuses at Break, we salute you!