With the unemployment rate hovering just below 10% these days, we’re all lucky to even have a job, whether it be at a fast food joint or a clothing store or as a fart-joke-loving blogger pretending to know about fantasy football when she clearly only watches the sport to admire the spandex-clad butts. We should all be grateful that we make enough money to live, house ourselves, and eat, and should be frugal with our remaining funds.

Look. What I’m trying to get at here, is you need to stop trolling the clubs looking for booty, when you’ve got VIP service at Club OBC, full of singles looking for the same thing you are. Need more proof? Check out the chart below for our booty cost comparison!

Man, Tiger can’t seem to climb out of that grave he dug himself.

Just weeks after his press conference apology, new information is coming out from TMZ (ultimate revealer of celebrities’ closet skeletons) that Tiger Woods paid his original mistress Rachel Uchitel around $10 million to keep her mouth shut.

Apparently when Uchitel was thinking about telling all in a dramatic press conference, Tiger Woods decided to pay her off to make sure she didn’t. While some celebrities have been known to give their mistresses jewelry and other expensive gifts,  apparently the “depth and detail of information” that Uchitel would have come out with garnered the ridiculous sum.

What kind of stories are worth ten mil, you ask? I would say hooker murders or some sort of gay threesome, but perhaps he just has some weird fetish that he doesn’t want the world to know about…?

Tom Feltenstein, a single millionaire, decided to bypass dating altogether and put up a billboard, which read “Have Maid, Have Money, Would Love a Honey!”

Needless to say, the guy is married now. Surprise, surprise.

Full Story at DateDaily

img @ astonmartin

Aston Martin, purveyor of all cars obscenely awesome, has just released a new model, the Aston Martin One-77. It is so lavish that they only made 77 of them. Before you think about pulling out your credit card, you should know that the One 77 costs a cool $2 million. What else you could buy for the price of ONE Aston Martin?

1. 156 Honda Civics

While not as flashy or even remotely as awesome, it’s a car, and it will get you from point A to point B.  And when your friends come over, you can brag that you have 155 very practical, average vehicles. They will think you are awesome. Or just weird.

2. Three Islands in Panama

That was not a typo. For the price of one car, you could buy THREE Panamanian islands. According to privateislandsonline.com, you can buy an island for as little as $30,000. While they might be disease-infested or house extinct dinosaurs, you will still own 3 islands, although you probably will have no way to get to them.

3. 50 – 170 Mail Order Brides

Depending on your standards, you could order up to 170 European mail order brides! Imagine, sitting around your house with your 170 average looking Eastern European women at your beck and call, all with debit cards linked to your account and simultaneous periods. How awesome does that sound? Way better than a phenomenal,  limited edition Aston, right?

4.  A 2, 060, 606 Item Shopping Spree at a 99 Cent Store

You could buy enough semi-expired Christmas Crunch bars to feed a nation! Or a million pairs of  flimsy flip-flops! Or 2 million 2009 calendars! What joy!

5. 18,545 Mona Lisas

Reproductions, that is. If you actually wanted the REAL Mona Lisa, it would equal the price of 350 Aston Martin One-77s. But if you just want to plaster your apartment with pictures of that creepy smile, you’re totally set!

6. This House

Dreamhomes.com values this house at just under $2million. Buy this, and you’ll have just enough money left to buy, oh I don’t know, a sofa from Ikea?

7. The Obligatory: 8,000,000 gumballs

I’ve never understood why people always use gumballs as a reference for large amounts of money. As though that would be the first thing I’d go out and buy with a wad of cash. This is just a stupid, stupid comparison.

Forget it. Just buy the Aston Martin already.

Full Story @ Manolith

img @ photobucket

It seems as though Brazil’s obsession with soccer has finally caused a problem. Who could have seen this coming?

During this weekend’s season-ending matches in Sao Paulo, thieves managed to steal $6 million from a cash-delivery firm. A security guard nearby thought he heard a bang, but assumed it was just fireworks lit by fans. How did they get into the  firm? This is where it gets crazy.

Apparently the thieves bought a house about 100 yards away from the firm four months ago. Throughout that time, while acting as a family (even going so far as buying a Christmas tree), they painstakingly tunneled under the house and up to the money-delivery firm.

Timing it perfectly with the extremely popular Sao-Paulo games, they blasted their way in, making out with over $6 million in cash.

This is a warning to police in Miami- Super Bowl XLIV is no reason to let your guard down!

Full Story @ BBCNews