We all have different music tastes, some enjoy country, some enjoy rap, and some enjoy music that’s actually good. Just kidding, I like country and rap when the situation calls for it which is never. However, a surveying of the recent music sensations has made me realize that there are definitely a few “music” stars that are making a mockery of the art form made popular by legends like Beethoven, The Beatles, and Radiohead (had to drop in the name of my favorite band there, sorry). Let’s take a look at the top music stars that need to GTFO, ASAP.
1) Kesha
img @ photobucket
No, I will not put a money sign in your name, Your Awfulness. Look- I admit, I am a fan of the auto-tune on occasion. We all enjoy some Lil Wayne when we’re getting our dance on, but unfortunately, this talentless blonde’s voice is so unbearable, they’ve had to auto-tune every second of it, from the chorus to the breakdown to the intro part where she’s giggling like a blithering idiot.
2. The kids from Glee
Seriously, what is the deal with this show?! As a former theater geek, I was told this show would be my drug of choice- that I’d get sucked in and wait for every episode with bated breath. However, within ten minutes into the first episode I watched, my blood sugar levels shot through the roof and I had to turn it off. Seriously, the creepy saccharine air of this “high school glee club” show is so unbearable I had to eat an entire bag of salt and vinegar Lays to get back to my normal cynicism level. It was a disaster. Go away, Glee.
3. Nikki Minaj
I think I heard a rumor that she came out with a full length album. Which means someone produced it. And wrote at least 10 songs for her. And then listened to her sing them all and then fixed them all to make them sound less insufferable. But that I’m not even sure of, because all I’ve heard to deem her bannable from the music industry is the 30 second appearance she makes in the “Bedrock” song by Young Money. Seriously, go listen to that on repeat for 10 minutes and tell me you don’t want to strangle her in her “low scrunch and Echo whites.” Ugh.
4. the Jonas Brothers and/or Justin Beiber
img @ disneysource
You thought I was being sexist, didn’t you? Highlighting all these terrible female performers and leaving out the boys. Nope, I got them here. This whole trend of pre-pubescent little boys seducing middle-school girls and middle-aged women everywhere, falls somewhere between kind of creepy and totally disgusting.
Suggested job:
5) The Black Eyed Peas
img @ scrapetv
I can understand the appeal of the group- they create songs that are fun to party to, get you pumped up to party, and use Hebrew terms…. to get you ready to party…? But really, it’s time to let the B.O.Ps move on with their lives, I’m pretty tired of hearing their single-lyric songs make them millions. Seriously. Let’s go over their hit songs’ lyrics:
My Humps: “My humps, my humps my humps my humps”
Boom Boom Pow: “Boom boom boom, now, boom boom boom now, Boom boom pow, boom boom pow”
I Gotta Feeling: “I gotta feeling that tonight’s gonna be a good night
that tonight’s gonna be a good night
that tonight’s gonna be a good good night”
Rock That Body: “I wanna rock right now
I want I wanna rock right now
I want I wanna rock right now
Now, now, rock right now
I want I wanna rock right now
I want I wanna rock right now”
Yup. Case closed.
