You know a video is good when it can potentially give you seizures, that’s what I’ve always said. Other things I’ve always said: THAT SH*T CRAY.

It’s so close to being Super Bowl weekend, you guys! “But the Super Bowl is only on Sunday!” you might be thinking – wrong. Super Bowl begins tonight, when you argue with your friends about who is going to win, and then tomorrow, when you prepare for the big party by stocking up on chips, chicken wings, bean dip, and beer, and then, of course, SWEET, GLORIOUS SUNDAY, when millions of Americans gather around their TVs to curse and binge eat and pretend like they could totally do a better job of coaching than those idiots.

However, every wonderful event has to be punctuated by something awful to make you appreciate the rest of it, and this year that cringe-worthy punctuation comes in the form of a zombie skeleton named Madonna, who will perform at the halftime show with her terrifying arms ablaze and haunt our dreams for the rest of the month.

Luckily, we have a little video here to prepare you for the onslaught of elderly that we’ll all be experiencing come Sunday: this music video for Madonna’s new single “Give Me All Your Luvin’” (yes, with a U), featuring Nicki Minaj and MIA. With its football theme and incredible Photoshop job making Madonna look almost life-like, this video will give you a taste of the mess of this year’s halftime show. Deep breath, everyone. Brace yourselves.

Whenever I hear dubstep, I imagine that the noises are what it sounds like when you drown to death. Just too many sounds at once, like your brain is imploding upon itself. However, that being said, if you’ve ever been to a dubstep party you know that it’s about the most fun party you’ve ever been to. Sure, most of the people dancing in the crowd are inebriated on more than one substance, but if you can ignore the foaming at the mouth and peoples’ attempts to run your shoulders, you’ll see that dubstep brings the party. I mean, for god’s sake, it’s made Harry Potter AND juggling cool.

And now, you don’t even need the massive DJ booth set up, cause you can call up this dude and his harmonica and mic stand and have some DIIIIRTY beats for your next party!

Last night was the holiest of nights: the annual Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show. Featuring the sexiest, bustiest, and flirtiest models on the scene today, the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show is sure to give every guy spank bank material for a week straight, and sure to give every lady new inspiration to hit the gym in the dead of winter.

However, the part of the fashion show everyone is talking about is the performance by hip hop’s Lady Gaga: Nicki Minaj. Her Superbass performance, along with songs by Maroon 5, Kanye West, and Jay-Z.

Check out Nicki’s performance below and let us know what you think! Did she steal the show, or will the VS Angels always be the real stars of the night?

In what could be the most Obviously Obvious News of the decade, Tastebuds.fm has released a list of “musical turnoffs” that men and women claim are dating dealbreakers, and Nickleback – reigning kings of douchebaggery, top the list.

Via Jezebel:

The dating site Tastebuds.fm 1,600 users for their biggest “musical turnoff.” Nickelback led the pack, followed closely by Justin Bieber. The rest of the top 10: Lady Gaga, Ke$ha, Coldplay, U2, Creed, Katy Perry, Lil Wayne and Britney Spears.

Look how nicely I have typed those! That could easily be printed out and placed on a 3×5 card to be placed in your wallet for future first dates! “What band do I like, you ask?” (slyly pulls out card under table) “Well let me tell you – I definitely do NOT like Ke$ha, that girl is the worst!” (proceed to have hours of raunchy sex).

Rihanna on WhoSay

What with the drug use, alcohol abuse, cigarettes, partial nudity, sex, stealing, and glorification of general debauchery, I don’t see any reason why any sort of morality groups could POSSIBLY GET ANGRY about this video. Right?

Did you think this was going to be a Courtney Stodden video? Or maybe Ke$ha? Or I don’t know, one of those Rebecca Black type things? Nope. This is a new brand of awful – by a boy band called Heart 2 Heart.

I initially held back on judgement because Heart 2 Heart is a boy band (I think; one of those might be a lesbian) and I am a product of the early 90s. I had posters of N’Sync and Backstreet Boys LITERALLY WALLPAPERING my room. However, after an unbearably long 45 seconds of this video, I realize that this is far worse that any boy band of my middle school years. This is terrible. This is repulsive. This is a auto-tuned piece of sh*t about Facebook, and it is probably the worst thing I have ever heard or seen. Although I do have one important question:

HOW DO THEY MAKE THEIR HAIR STAY LIKE THAT? SOMEONE EXPLAIN THIS TO ME.

The airplane was forced to make an emergency landing to get Ross to a hospital, where he is now reported to be (according to his friend, rapper Wale) “100 pct ok.”

Although it has not been confirmed as he is still in the hospital, Ross says he still plans to perform tonight at the FedEx Forum. We hope he is healthy and stable, and if he performs tonight, that it is OFF THE CHAIN, in a careful and not-too-excitable way.

The results were as shown on this very telling graph:

Basically, according to this graph, we can conclude that country is the most boring music (with its high rates of commitment, parenting, and rejection themes, and that R&B, while definitely including many of our favorite things, may come off a tiny bit desperate, with so many of their songs talking about status, resources, and reputation.

This story probably falls into our “obviously obvious news” category, but we still think it’s a very interesting study. 92% of the top played songs talk about booty, I think it’s safe to say that it’s a natural, human aspect of life and shouldn’t be treated like some horrible shameful act to be looked down on. Or, in other words,

Hey girl, you know I’ma use some short term strategies, cause I got mad sexual prowess… now I can get you into a sex act with your genitalia? MMhmmmm.

Or something like that.

You know how they say if you divide by zero the universe will implode?

The above picture is a snapshot of the the cover of an album set to release in August called Watch the Throne. It is a collaboration rap album made by two of the (if not THE) biggest rappers of our generation, Jay-Z and Kanye West.

The album is set for pre-order here, and is guaranteed to be chock full of the sickest beats and hottest rhymes we’ve heard in years.

Also, I think the universe might implode.