People are often offended when they find out that my number one celebrity crush is Bill Murray. That statement is usually followed by something along the lines of “Wait, is there some hot up-and-coming new actor with the same name as the wrinkly aging star of such movies as Caddyshack, the Royal Tenenbaums, and Zombieland?” To which I reply, “Nope, that wrinkly aging star is my dream man.” Which is followed by gagging and repulsion and them stating that we shouldn’t be friends anymore.

However, I just found proof that there are other ladies out there who share my love for elderly comedic actors. Case in point:

img @ thechive

Sure, they could just be money-grubbing club rats looking to hook up with a celebrity, but in my mind, they are nice, honest women who just enjoy the company of one of the most hilarious actors of our time. It could happen, right?

img @ blogspot

This week is Spring Break for many colleges in California, and the beaches and bars are filled to capacity with buff dudes and tanned, sexy ladies. It’s pretty hard to make a fool of yourself on Spring Break considering everyone around is just as hammered as you, but there are still a few rules that will keep your spring break fun, safe, and memorable (or not).

1. Abide by the dress code

Do NOT wear socks with sandals. DO wear clothes that fit your body. Don’t wear a wife beater (ever), and don’t wear tennis shoes on the beach (unless you’ve got a crazy foot fungus or something. No one wants to see that.) In the warming climate, most people around with be wearing next to nothing, so your blatant fashion faux pas will be totally obvious.

2. Do NOT have sex in the sand

Imagine rubbing your sexual organs with sandpaper. Sounds terrible, right? So why would you put those precious parts near actual sand? And don’t try to MacGuyver a towel barrier, because sand is notorious for finding its way into any minuscule crevice.  And on that note- don’t have sex in a hot tub. There are chemicals in hot tub water that make it very, um… difficult.

3. Don’t forget sunscreen

Seems like a total mom thing to say, but all safety lectures aside, no one wants to see your peeling, stop sign-colored back reminding them of the ever-widening hole in the ozone layer.

4. Don’t get to the blackout stage.

Seriously, drinking to black out sounds like a great idea until you wake up the next morning with a raging headache, nauseas stomach, and no memory of why you have a black eye. The Hangover was a funny movie because it was a movie. Waking up without any knowledge of what you did the last night feels terrible. Everyone knows that.

5. Be Aware

Even though spring break is supposed to be a fun, carefree week of debauchery, you want to get out of that week alive. Don’t accept drinks from strangers (especially you, ladies), don’t stay in any shady accommodations, and keep to the busy areas. The last thing you want is to be on one of those E! True Hollywood Spring Break Disasters episodes.

Now go out there and be a champ and make some memories. You’re only young once!

img @ usatoday

Scantily clad beach bodies, the proverbial keg stand, and the first hints of warm weather; all indisputable indications that Spring Break is here. Everyone is familiar with the usual destinations where throngs of college students and singles flock to party, namely Cancun, South Padre Island, and Panama City. This year, OnlineBootyCall.com has identified the Five Worst Spring Break Destinations to help singles everywhere (especially OBC members) avoid disaster during these festive weeks of mayhem.

5) Blue Ball vs. Climax, Pennsylvania

As you might expect, the city of Blue Ball is located in the Amish region of Pennsylvania, where the ladies prefer bonnets to bikinis and a fiddle over an iPod. But don’t look for relief in Climax, although the city sounds promising, it’s situated far off on the opposite side of the state where your chances of getting there are… about zero.

4) Yakutsk, Russia

The word Yakutsk might as well be the Russian translation for blue balls. Just like its Pennsylvanian counterpart, Yakutsk will give you a bad case of below-the-belt misfortune, but for different reasons: with a record low of -67 degrees Fahrenheit in March, going outside in board shorts will result in more than one blue appendage to complain about.

3) Kabul, Afghanistan

Nothing screams Spring Break like a floor-length, full-body burqa in 112-degree weather — just ask our dedicated men and women in uniform stationed in Kabul. Unless your idea of fun is playing hopscotch across an IED-riddled mine field, you’d do well to get your adrenaline rush elsewhere.

2) San Quentin State Prison

Situated in beautiful northern California, San Quentin might seduce you with its barbed wire fences and sensual doughnut-chomping guards, but don’t be fooled. That sauna you’re wandering into is actually a gas chamber, and as a bonus, you’re sharing a hotel bed with the ghost of Charles Manson. Sleep tight and don’t drop the soap!

1) Haiti

Joining the ranks of such hot spots as Mexico and the Bahamas, Haiti’s got all the Spring Break necessities: gorgeous weather, pristinely desolate beaches, and a complete lack of infrastructure. This is a perfect spot for those who want to get away from all the distractions that come with cell phone service, internet connectivity and running water. We love our Haitian compatriots and because the crisis is far from over, we remind everyone to donate $10 to the victims of the Haiti earthquake by texting HAITI to 90999.

Spring Break is the time of the year when wet t-shirt contests are not only acceptable, they’re expected, so save yourself years of post-Spring Break stress disorder and keep to the usual standbys!

Check out the full press release at OnlineBootyCall.com!

Ah yes, the OBC Million Dollar Sweepstakes party. It was less than a month ago but it feels like it’s been ages!

Tre Mannings, our MDS contestant, was flown out from his home in Pennsylvania, put up in a stellar hotel, and then treated to a night on the town, OBC style!

The night ended with a party at San Diego’s Stingaree club, hosted by Playmates Sara Underwood and Bridget Marquardt, and his chance to win a million bucks, all in celebration OnlineBootyCall hitting the 4 million member mark!

We could regale you with stories about the celebs, sexy women, and premium liquors that flowed from our bottle service tables that night if our memories weren’t all so foggy, so instead, we’ll let this video do the talking!

img @ mnijm.wordpress

Happy Fat Tuesday, BCU readers! Break out your beads, gentlemen, because Mardi Gras, code word for indulgence, is finally here. San Diego’s celebration is set to tear up the streets of the Gaslamp, but before heading out to make a fools of ourselves, we figured we’d set some groundrules. Here are BCU’s Mardi Gras regulations.

1. DO train before the big day.

Although a week long detox in preparation may sound like a good idea, you have to compare your liver to your stomach for this event- you can’t let it get lazy and/or shrink. Prepare by drinking copious amounts of liquor in the days preceding Fat Tuesday, so you can get used to the inevitable wrath of the spins and mind-numbing hangovers.

2. DON’T pee on the streets.

Maybe back in the early 1980s this was considered a funny, celebratory aspect of Mardi Gras. However, with stringent new laws on “exposing yourself,” peeing on the street will only lead to either an expensive citation or a one way ticket out of the party. Find a bathroom, you streetrat.

3.  DO dress the part.

If you show up in something boring, say a suit, or any type of pant with the word “cargo” in the name, you will feel out of place, if not flat out ashamed. This is the one day out of the year that it is okay to rock a sparkly mask and crazy shirt. If you’re planning to get lucky, though, keep the glitter to your mask. Your shirt should not shine.

4. DON’T yell “show us your boobs!” anywhere outside the party.

At least in San Diego, Mardi Gras is confined to an 8 block radius, presumably to keep the booze-fueled miscreants away from the general public. Once you leave the gates of the party though, pull your self-control out back out of your ass and do NOT shout that refrain at elderly French-Catholic women out for dinner. However, on that note…

5. Ladies, DO take all degrading shouts with a grain of salt.

On Fat Tuesday, you will likely witness the most disturbing acts of male debauchery that you have or will ever see. But let’s be honest, this holiday has evolved from a religious tradition into a holiday based on giving women plastic beads to expose themselves. This is the one day this happens (assuming you don’t spend spring break in Mexico), so just drop it. Don’t flash dudes if you don’t want, but don’t complain. It’s not worth it.

You’ve got less than 5 hours to gear up for this day of ultimate debauchery. Get to the bar and gimme 20 (shots)!