A big giant THANK  from OBC to the courageous heroes who have put their lives on the line for our country! Happy Veterans Day, ladies and gentleman. Hope you spend this day getting primped, pampered, and hey, who knows… maybe some booty? We’ll keep our fingers crossed for ya.

And to our readers – we’ll see you Tuesday! We’re off to Las Vegas for the Manny Pacquiao vs Juan Manuel Marquez fight. We’ll be back next week to give you the run down of the boxing match of the year. Have a great weekend!

We at BCU have made a lot of jokes about the impending end of the world. All the animals dying by the hundreds and massive natural disasters and dudes putting rats and shoes in their mouths caused us to jokingly assume that the end of the world was near. We had 3 Reasons to Assume the World is Ending,  Weekend To-Dos: Disaster Preparedness Edition, and New Years Resolutions to Help You Last Longer Once the Zombie Cats Take Over, to name a few. Now, however, it’s time to get down to business.

According to the totally legitimate, not-at-all crazy website FamilyRadio.com, the actual for real end of the world is happening at 6pm on May 21st, 2011. As in Saturday. As in two days from this moment. Harold Camping, the zombie-scarecrow behind FamilyRadio, says that the end is coming mainly because of Gay Pride (sure). Obviously, Harold Camping is totally batsh** crazy. However, let’s all just go ahead and assume for five minutes that HC actually has a direct line of communication with G-O-D, and He Himself is so concerned about the dude-on-dude anal sex going on that on Saturday we’re all going to evaporate or blow up or turn into glitter or whatever. Let’s go with that.

WITH THAT ASSUMPTION, however, you must also agree that Friday night has to be the most off-the-hook, balls-to-the-metaphorical-wall party, one that is so insane that your hangover on Saturday is bad enough that you’ll be PRAYING for the end of the world to come. With me as your guide, let’s all strap on our party-planning boots and get to organizing the best End of the World party this planet has ever seen. Ready? Ready. This is BCU’s HOW TO: Plan an Awesome End of the World Party Edition!

1. Pick a venue

Feel free to go out to the clubs, but there is a good chance that most of the people will not understand why you are having an end of the world party (they are slow). You’re better off having the shin-dig at a house so everyone knows the meaning of the celebration and you can all laugh and laugh and then get sorta nervous near midnight but pretend you’re not.

2. Make it apocalypse costume themed

According to FamilyRadio, the saved Christians will all shoot up into heaven on Saturday, and the rest of us heathens will walk a fiery hell on Earth until October 21st, when the whole world will blow up. To prepare for the post-apocalyptic world,  make your party apocalypse themed… grungy, ripped clothes, fake knives or machine guns (NOT REAL ONES, DUMMIES), and scary makeup… basically just dress like Rambo.

3.  Play a prank

Spark a little morning fear in your neighbors by grabbing some old clothes and laying them in the street and sidewalks in piles. Because most Rapture stories say that those who are saved will disappear and leave their clothes behind, you could scare the bajeezus out of some people who think that they have been “left behind.” Sure it’s not supposed to happen till the evening, but that doesn’t mean people won’t freak out! Remember, shoes are a necessity!

4. Serve up Rapturitas

Like a margarita, but take out the sweet and sour and substitute your favorite red juice (pomegranate, cranberry, strawberry) to represent the blood of the sinners!

5. Throw a It Wasn’t The End of the World Party on Saturday

Because the world isn’t going to end (fingers crossed), Saturday will be a great night to enjoy the fact that you are still alive and ALSO that that shriveled up Slim Jim up there was wrong. Saturday, really sock it to the 89 year old bigot by supporting your local gay community. Our San Diego gay community (heavily concentrated in the Hillcrest region) know how to party harder than anyone, so we’ll be there taking shots in honor of Harold Campings’ bad future-telling skills and high-fiving all around.

Print this out and prepare for what is sure to be the most awesome party of the year, unless of course Harold is right and mid-party the world sets on fire. WE SHALL SEE, FRIENDS.

This weekend is set to be quite a doozy. On one hand, yesterday was Cinco De Mayo, and people are probably still celebrating. On the other hand, we caught and maybe murdered Osama bin Laden, so… USA! USA! So, what is a patriotic American who loves burritos to do? Obviously have a MexicUSA weekend! This is BCU’s top 3 weekend to-dos!

1. Make a pizzataco!

This is quite possibly the greatest food-vention of the past 30 years. It’s a giant taco, using a pepperoni pizza instead of a tortilla. I suppose the pizza is technically an Italian food, what you get at Little Caesar’s for five dollars would be unrecognizable to any Italian chef ever, so get yourself a pizza and the internal organs of a taco and go to town. Best of both worlds!

2. Play a game of soccball

Here’s the rules: one side of the field you must play soccer, cross the 50 yard line and you must start playing football rules. One side has a goal, other side has an end zone. The ball is a soccer ball because you can’t can’t kick around a football, lets be honest. First team to sustain a concussive head injury wins… Or loses?

3. Make vodkaritas

Self-explanatory, I think…

But the point is, you must celebrate both the Mexican defeat of the French powers and the US defeat of an 80 year old man with kidney failure. This weekend is all about rejoicing for Panamerica and its unlikely successes, and the best way to do that is to tweak the ingredients to a Mexican drink and thus have a hangover that hurts as bad as the bullet in Osama’s eyeball.

via homedefenseproducts

So, earlier this week a massive army of tornadoes ripped through the Midwest, killing of hundreds of people and displacing thousands more. So, in the past year we’ve dealt with a incredible earthquakes, tsunamis, dead birds falling from the sky, hurricanes, Donald Trump running for president, and online poker getting shut down. All horrific events which have lead me to decide that a post about preparing for disasters, natural or otherwise. Thus, I give you BCU’s Weekend Must-Dos, Disaster Preparedness Edition.

1. Create a Super- Survival Pack

Most survival packs contain only the bare necessities: canned foods, a first-aid kit, maybe a couple blankets and flashlight. Your survival kit should contain the things you need to live comfortably, including condoms, a nice bottle of scotch, and a battery-powered disco ball so you can through a tsunami/earthquake/tornado/nuclear explosion party. Seriously, though, in this consistently unstable Earth we live in today, it is very important to make sure you have the things you’ll need to survive and make sure your severed foot (someone always severs a foot) doesn’t develop gangrene. There is a reason there is an entire government website dedicated to making one, so get on that.

2. Run a tsunami/earthquake/hurricane/tornado/Godzilla attack drill

Remember when you were a kid and you kind of got excited for fire drills because it meant you got to avoid schoolwork and sit outside for an hour? You can do the same thing by having a natural disaster drill. Find a meeting spot that would be safe from whatever event is most likely to occur in your region (here, it’s earthquakes, so my sources say “under a rickety bridge” is NOT a good idea), and have all your friends meet there to simulate what would happen if a natural disaster hit. No cell phone service will be available, so if someone is late, you must assume them to have been killed. After meeting, continue on to a pub crawl at the bars nearby, because in an actual disaster, everyone is really gonna need a drink.

3. Donate/Volunteer/Party

Honestly, though, it’s been a crazy last week in the Midwest. Tons and tons of people have been displaced and are in need of assistance. If you can, donate your time or money to help the people who have been left with nothing. Redcross.org is always a safe bet to donate to, considering there are so many illegitimate (re: evil) charities out there. Reconsider buying Portal 2 for a couple more weeks and send that money to someone who might no longer even have shelter. Then, lift your glass (or 13 of them) to celebrate the coming together of citizens in time of need! Sorry. Was that lame? Did you expect an awesome #3 and then I ruined it with mom-tone? I’m sorry, here… let me fix that. Ahem. New #3: KICK OFF MAY BY HOSTING YOUR OWN BULL FIGHT/DODGEBALL TOURNAMENT IN YOUR BACK YARD.RULE ONE: EVERYONE IS BLINDFOLDED RULE TWO: THE BULLS ARE DRUNK.

Better? Alright cool. Have a good weekend, warriors! Prepare thyselves!

So.

Coachella 2011. Let’s not dawdle and jump right in to the recap.

The Good:

So many things! As a huge rock fan, I’m biased when I say that Arcade Fire were the biggest hit of the weekend, but there were several stars- Kings of Leon totally rocked the grounds on Friday night, 80s throwback Duran Duran reminded us theyve still got it in the early evening on Sunday and 12th Planet performed some filthy dub even in the blistering afternoon. The fact is, if you’re looking for a weekend of some of the best music from around the world today, you’d be mistaken to miss out of Coachella. Whether you like the punk sounds of Death From Above 1979, the funky, flamboyant tunes of Empire of the Sun, or the folky sound of London -ased southern rock band Mumford and Sons, Coachella delivered some LEGIT musical acts.

The Bad:

Beer prices. Sound at the main stage early on. Cee Lo Green. Brandon Flowers overpowering The Black Keys. Our campsite, which was a far 10 minute walk from the bathroom. UGH.

The Ugly:

The heat. My god, the heat. Friday tricked us with decent high eighties feeling warmth and a cool night, but sweet Jesus the heat on Saturday and Sunday was UnNBEARABLE. No shade could protect you, and at 2 bucks for 12 ounces, water did not come cheap to keep us hydrated. The hours of 10am to 5 we were all ON FIRE.

Check back tomorrow for our top 5 Coachella pictures, courtesy of yours truly!

HELLO, FRIENDS! HI! HOW ARE YOU?!HOW’S YOUR MOTHER? GOOD? TELL HER I SAID HI!

As you can tell, I am in a delightful mood – not just because it’s Friday but also because yours truly is about 12 hours away from the best weekend of the year: THAT’S RIGHT, BUDDY BOYS - IT’S COACHELLA VALLEY MUSIC FESTIVAL!

This will be my only post for the day because I’m swapping out my internet nerd gear for my dirty hippie get up, but never fear, I still have your weekend to dos for this lovely mid April weekend. Sorry if they seem Coachella themed, I promise they aren’t. Just kidding they are. Sorry.

1. GO TO COACHELLA!

This year was pretty groundbreaking as far as ticket sales go – they all sold out within six days of them going on sale. Of course, with today’s technology, many of those sold were probably to a**holes looking to sell them for double or triple their price. Hell, I considered just selling my ticket and buying a plane ticket to Costa Rica. However, as the concert approaches, people who bought extras with the intention of scalping them are realizing they have flooded the market and now most tickets aren’t going for all that much more than face value. If you’ve got the weekend off and happened to have recently sold a kidney, hop onto eBay and drop the cash for what could be one of the best weekends of your life. But be careful – there are fakes everywhere!

2. Pretend you’re at Coachella

You’ll need: a bunch of space heaters, a playlist chock full of Coachella performers (my picks: Mumford and Sons, The Black Keys, Arcade Fire, Ratatat, Cee Lo Green,  and The Strokes), a sweet sound system, some crazy lights, and a few tweakers or e-tards. BAM – you’ll have your own Coachella weekend at a fraction of the price. Remember, the space heaters are an integral part of all of this, because one of the discerning factors of Coachella as an experience is the blazing, miserable, blood-curdling heat.

3. Enjoy your city without hippies

Wherever you live, you’ll notice a few things this weekend: it won’t smell as weird, the clubs will be void of all girls with feathers in their hair and high-waisted jean shorts. You won’t see as many guys in bowler caps and deep v-necks. It’ll be GREAT! Coachella gathers up all the grotesque hippies who are stuck in a lifelong hallucination and corrals them into one place for a whole four days. It’ll be GREAT!

I’ll be back on Monday with a solid recap of Coachella 2011, including pictures and maybe even video! Until then, have a great weekend, and keep your fingers crossed I don’t die of heat exhaustion!

Photo by Harry How/Getty Images

If you’re like everyone at the BCU offices, your bracket was busted LONG ago. You might have stopped caring about the entire sport once your home town team got ousted (DAMN YOU, UCONNNNNNN!). However, with this being the last weekend of the only month with “Madness” in its name, you owe it to Saint Patrick himself to toss this month out with a bang. Here are BCUs top 3 Weekend Must Dos: March Madness Edition.

1. PLAY the “Predict Who Will Make the Elite Eight Based on the Hotness of Each Team’s Respective Cheerleading Team” GAME

It’s a game I made up and it’s good for those of us who a) don’t understand basketball, b) are bitter about how March Madness has turned out, or c) are superficial, womanizing a**holes. Here’s how you play. Go HERE to Coed Magazine’s list of the cheerleaders of the Sweet Sixteen. Find the teams that will be playing this weekend: North Carolina vs. Marquette, Kansas vs. Richmond, Ohio State vs. Kentucky, and Florida State vs. VCU. Within you and your group of friends, scour the pages and pages of gorgeous mini-skirt clad women and decide who is the hottest. Write your choices down. Place bets (a dollar a game if you’re a p****, $5 a game if you want to win some real money). Whoever correctly predicts the most games wins the pot, and is thus deemed a huge creep.

2. Plan the Greatest April Fool’s Prank of All Time (Or just a tried-and-true one)

As a child, my dad used to revel in April Fool’s Pranks. “Severed Finger in a Box,” “Tarantula in a 5-year-old’s bed” and “Your Dog Is Dead” took top honors throughout the years, although I’m sure there are more that I have blocked out of my memory for psychiatric health reasons. As we get older, though, people begin to forget the brilliant sense of joy you can get from pulling off an elaborate April Fool’s Prank. Whether you go evil (buying a fake lottery scratcher), gross (filling a box of donut holes with flour covered frozen meatballs), or slapstick (silly-stringing ambush of one targeted co-worker), you’ll have a great week just looking forward to the laughs that will ensue come Friday.

3. Get your workout & diet on

Guess what, dummies, it’s almost Spring Break. In fact, next week is Spring Break for many schools in California. However, if you’re not in college those dates mean nothing to you except the painful reminder that summer is nearing and you should probably start trying to shed those excess 5 10 75 pounds you put on over the winter. The best method we’ve found to quickly drop weight and get ripped without torturing yourself with hunger? A low-carb diet and high-weight, low-repetition weight lifting, with a dash of high-intensity interval training cardio. I’m no nutritionist or doctor or fitness expert but I can tell you that if adopted correctly this is the best way to lose weight and gain muscle, especially if you also count your caloric intake. Luckily, with it being the end of March, you have just enough time (about 8 weeks) to get solidly ripped before June and the onset of the less-clothed months. However, whatever you do, don’t suddenly quit halfway through because putting weight back on after a low-carb diet looks like in Prisoner of Azkaban when  Harry Potter blows up his Aunt Mar- I mean. Never mind. Not a nerd. REMEMBER THAT. I AM NOT A NERD.

Hey, how was your St. Patrick’s Day? Are you feeling as awesome as I am because I feel like a tiny leprechaun is jack-hammering my brain. However, that doesn’t change the fact that I learned some unsettling information: there is a cloud of radiation headed towards the United States. Luckily, it’s Friday, so we can all at least celebrate the end of our brain function by continuing the St. Patrick’s Day spirit by partying our faces off in this week’s Weekend To Dos: Radiation edition.

1. Stay inside

According to reports, the plume of radiation coming from Japan’s nuclear meltdown will begin hitting us as early as today. Guard your brain by staying inside: sleeping in, watching movies, pigging out, whatever you want to indulge in. Considering by Monday your brain might look like a microwaved egg, you might as well stay in bed.

2. Go outside

On the other hand, why not say SCREW YOU to the radiation and hang out outside? Like I said before, your brain is probably gonna be the size and texture of a Jello shot by the time the weekend ends so I guess why not try and absorb all the radiation you can? Who knows, maybe it’ll turn you into a superhero. Or maybe you’ll just become a walking potato. Who knows.

3. Create an emergency party kit

Assuming civilization as we know it might be on it’s way out (again), you might want to create an emergency kit for post-apocalyptic partying. Stock beer, liquor, batteries, battery powered disco lights, bar snacks, and whatever else you need for a bad-ass party in a box labeled “NECESSARY” and keep it by your door at all times. That way, once the power is out and people are terrified (and sober) you can corner the market on end-of-the-world boozing. You’ll be a millionaire, except there won’t be money, only cat skulls.

via stupidfunnynews

This month is going by so quickly! It seems like just yesterday we were giving dudes lessons on how to get laid on Mardi Gras, and now tomorrow is already St. Patrick’s Day. Whether or not our tips worked for you on Mardi Gras, we have some more for your Patty’s Day adventures. Remember what they say, “if at first you don’t succeed, try, try, and look for booty elsewhere.”

1. Locate the Irish girls.

Redheads might not normally be your style, but on this day, they go out full-fledged and ready to party. Locate the Irish bars in your area (hint: they will have an “O’something” or “Mcwhatever” in their names). These plays not only will be overFLOWING with party-animals, but will also probably have the best drink specials. This is where you want to be if you want to find the most, er… “fun” women.

2. Don’t get too drunk.

We always include this in our “how to get laid” posts and you’re probably like, “okay mom, we get it,” but seriously, dudes, you always use these holidays as an excuse to get back-ass-wards hammered drunk and then wonder why you end the night jerking it while vomiting on yourself. Remember – you might think you’re more attractive drunk, but the ladies do not. I’m not saying you have to be stone-cold sober, but alternating drinks with water and steering clear of the death-procuring “Irish car bombs” is a smart idea that will separate you from the pack (of wolves that your friends will be). Just a nudge and a wink and a “boy are they idiots” look to a girl at a bar and she’ll realize you are the responsible one, and will immediately take her pants off sit down for a drink with you.

3. Carry around a pocketful of 4 leaf clovers (you can find them at any party supply store)…

…and hand them to girls to tell them you must have “just gottrn lucky” to find them. Girls tend to get VERY drunk off the heavy Irish drinks that come along with St. Patrick’s Day because they are used to light beer or fruity margaritas, and having a fun little card like that in your back pocket will drive them nuts. They will most likely immediately put them in their hair, take a hundred pictures of themselves, and swoon over how cute and creative you are. BOOM goes the dynamite.

Repeat these tips to yourself over the next 24 hours before you go out (and make sure to get those clovers!) and prepare your liver and your game for tomorrow’s celebrations. With any luck, you’ll be knockin’ boots with a sexy lassie in no time. And if not well, you know. At least you won’t be puking while you “take care of business.” Either way – SUCCESS!

1) Bet on the SDSU vs BYU basketball game

Assuming you’re not Mormon or from Utah or named “Jimmer”, you should absolutely be cheering for San Diego State (OBC is headquartered in San Diego, so you better!) tomorrow in the much anticipated game that starts at 11am PST. Want to make the game even more interesting? Grab a couple friends and make some friendly wagers. Based on many betting sites, BYU is listed as an 8.5 point favorite, so if you put a few bucks down on SDSU and they win (which THEY WILL), you’ll at least make enough dough to pay for the debilitating amount of drinks you’ll buy throughout the game.

2) Start a blog

anyone can do it!

I know you love reading BCU and could basically never even fathom taking it off your home page and that’s a GOOD thing, but since you are reading up on the important business of the day as it is, why not start your own blog about something you enjoy or are knowledgeable about? Are you good at cooking? Start a recipe blog! Maybe you know all the hot spots in your local area? Create a site to review businesses, and let local companies treat you like the head honcho when you tell them you’re planning to review their services or products! It’s free, it’s easy, and it’s a better use of your time than mid-numbingly watching television. Try WordPress, Blogspot, or Tumblr to start for free! How can you make cash off this? GoogleAdwords, of course! Once you get some followers, sign up for an account and start making money!

3) Get free money from OBC, OBVIOUSLY.

We are still astounded every month how much money goes unclaimed from the monthly referral contest at OBC. It’s like you’re walking down the street and someone is throwing money at you and you’re like NO, NO THANK YOU, I DON’T WANT IT, PLEASE STOP. In fact, if you think of the many things that are harder than winning up to $1000 bucks from OBC, they include but are not limited to: doing laundry, tying your shoes, and pooping in your pants. All you have to do is invite some friends to join you at club OBC (and I know you guys like doing that, I get 100 club invites on Facebook a day from y’all), and you’re entered to win. Stop purposefully walking away from money guys! Oh, and once you’re rollin’ in the dough, buy me a drink, will you?

By this time next week, I expect you all to be sending me pictures of the phenomenal gear you’ve purchased since becoming a BCU reading ballers.

Weekend Warriors, ONWARD! (oh and seriously if you don’t root for SDSU this year you and I are OVER.)