I try and keep my prejudices to a minimum. After years of Anthropology classes, I have learned that a trend of instances does not constitute a fact, and that people are a product of their surroundings, not their race. So I understand that just because two super weird fetishy things come out of a country in a span of a week doesn’t necessarily mean that an entire country of people have inherently weird fetishes, it’s just that the weird ones are crazy enough to make  the news over here. Right? RIGHT?

Because, um… I just found out that there is a new crazy trend in Japanese photography of young, nubile Japanese girls… licking… doorknobs. Kinda like this:

Sure, it ain’t no tentacle porn, but it’s still kind of, unsettling. And coming just days after we learned about the creepiest iPhone app ever, we can’t help but feel like there is something in the water in Japan that is birthing these creepy fetishes. The Chive has kindly (or grossly) compiled 33 photos of the strangely erotic photo fad, in case those up there aren’t enough for you.

Oh, and there’s no nudity, but I somehow still think they are NSFW. I don’t know. I can’t tell. I’m just weirded out.

British sex toy web store LoveHoney.co.uk apparently knows how to nab new buyers! Their new web commercials show how you can use their sex toys for more than just pleasure in a worst-case-scenario: ZOMBIE ATTACK. As a person who frequently fears the potential uprising of the undead, I may just have to add this site to my bookmarks. Because of zombies. Not because I really want to try out that ball gag, obviously. Weirdo.

Check out the rest of their vids at BuzzFeed.

I hate scary movies. They give me nightmares and make me nervous in my own house and make me wary of every person on the street because apparently just about anyone can be a unkillable murdering psycho-clown and you won’t know it till they’re removing your liver with a circular saw.

The only things I hate MORE than scary movies, though, are pornos that attempt to have too much of a story line. The acting is terrible and the storylines are completely unrealistic (see: my earlier post) and it takes forEVER to get the stuff you WANT to see.

However, somehow, by the process of cancellation maybe, A Wet Dream on Elm Street looks, well, kind of AWESOME? What do you think?

No more crappy reruns of Two and a Half Men or censored versions of B-list movies? IT COULD BE A MIRACLE! According to The Australian, Qantas airlines, an upper-class airline that flies in Pacific Islands and Asia, is showing a French documentary on one of its many channels about the female orgasm.

The airline says that The Female Orgasm Explained is its most viewed program, and “features excerpts from old porn flicks, graphics and sound effects that would make conservative commuters squirm.” AWESOME! AMAZING! As a person who is about to board a flight tomorrow at 6am, I WISH I had something as kinky as that to make my trip more exciting, instead of the horrendous options our American airlines have now.

If you want to check out the flick and don’t have a New Zealand trip in your budget, check it out here.

I’ve never understood full-length, feature pornos. Like, I mean, we’re all on the same page about porn, right? You watch like, 30 seconds of it, total, and then turn it off and never want to look at porn again. And even if there is a teeny bit of a storyline, you fast forward through it because who gives a sh*t if that girl was lonely when the pizza man came or if that guy accidentally walked in while a girl was sunbathing nude? GET TO THE BANGING ALREADY.

That common knowledge just leads me to believe that full-length porn parodies are more of a satire or joke than anything else. Especially the one below, which is a STAR WARS porn parody. Anyone who thought people would want to watch Star Wars themed porn HAS to be a comedian, right? RIGHT?

You know how sometimes you’re accused of murdering your two-year old, and no really knows if you did it but it sure LOOKS like you did it, and at this point even YOU’RE not sure if you did it, and you go to court and are miraculously acquitted even though all signs point to you killing a baby and then covering it up and then accusing your father? And everyone hates you because you’re a selfish little entitled despicable excuse for a mother?

No? Yeah, me neither, so I guess I can’t really judge Casey Anthony, nor can I judge the fact that she may end up in porn. Broke and basically unemployable, that may be her only chance to get out of debt. And according to TMZ, that may be the way she goes, because porn boss Steve Hirsch of Vivid Entertainment has already decided to offer the acquitted murderer a deal in the skin-flick industry.

According to Hirsch:

“Whether you agree with the verdict or not, Casey will want to move forward with her life and has a right to make a living. It’s not going to be easy for her and we believe we can help her make the transition into a new life.”

Class act, that Steve Hirsch. While you can’t fault the guy for knowing how to run a business, you could probably fault him for trying to make money off one of the saddest things that’s happened in America in the past year (not the verdict, guys, I know the American Justice system did its job correctly. The murder of a child.), and you could probably fault him for whatever titles he’s thinking up in his head at this very moment. Gross, Steve. Gross.

Here’s the thing about celebrity sex tapes – they’re never really that great. I mean, they’re usually super hot people, and yet somehow the video is usually 5 minutes of them doing exactly what they do on the red carpet – trying to look hot. For a celebrity sex tape to be truly successful, you’d want it to go down like amateur porn you find on free websites, quick, dirty, tons of angles, and full of screaming. Instead, we get a lingerie commercial. BORING.

Needless to say, today, another psuedo-celebrity falls to the wrath of an old sex tape. Shaneka Adams, who is (apparently) the video vixen in many of the hottest music videos today, has had a video leaked featuring the babe is some very, um, compromising positions.

Unfortunately, this sex tape is special in that there is only one thing that everyone’s talking about: Shaneka Adams goes NATURAL. As in, she LETS IT ALL GO, as in THAT GIRL IS HAIRY.

Click here for the full, bushy, NSFW set, at hiphopstan.com. But don’t say we didn’t warn you.

Forget company acquisition or stocks going public; this is literally the greatest press release to ever hit the news wires. According to FilmDrunk, Sabrina Deep (definitely her real name) has announced she’s embarking on a worldwide tour- not your average singing or autograph signing tour though – it’s called the World Bukkake Tour, and it’s EXACTLY what it sounds like.

That’s right – if the Bukkake Tour comes to a city near you, all you have to do is sign a few papers, prove you’re disease free, and BAM, you could party with (and on) Sabrina Deep. This is the same Sabrina Deep, of course, that once partook in a 77 man gangbang, and was just barely beat out as World’s Biggest Whore on the Howard Stern show. She is obviously no newbie to bukkake, which I won’t define in case there are virgin ears out there.

The parties are free to the public and began in Milan just last month. Check out the tour dates at WorldBukkakeTour.com, and let is know how it goes… or should I say, comes?

We’ve all known that “sex sells” since they made Barbie and Ken anatomically correct dolls that you could get naked. However, in the recent years, they’ve taken that phrase and, well, “blown it out of proportion” would be a kind way to put it. With sexed up commercials for everything from cars to cologne to CHEESEBURGERS, I suppose it was only a matter of time before they made a chocolate commercial that would get any hot-blooded human a little riled up.

Look, I’m not a prude or anything, I’m just saying maybe cool it on the softcore-porn-like commercials for a product that I put in my niece’s stocking every year for Christmas OH GOD THAT COME OUT WRONG OK I’M LEAVING NOW.

College Humor is often hit-or-miss with their articles and videos. Not unlike this blog itself, sometimes I get the impression that it’s written by a hungover and/or still drunk frat guy who is just trying to get back to the co-ed waiting in his bed so he craps some half-conceived idea out while on the toilet crapping last nights California burrito out. However, every once in a while, their original videos are totally spot on! Take this hilarious PSA they created that proclaims, “WOMEN WATCH PORN TOO!”

It’s an honest and yet totally funny expose on the fact that women like porn just as much almost as much as guys (I’m sorry, I was trying to be a little too progressive there, but I am pretty sure it is humanly impossible for women to like porn as much as guys. Just inconceivable.). Starring hot chicks explaining all the dirty things they like in porn, I mean… seriously, what more could you want?

Oh, and by the way, it’s 100% true.