This is a strange case of ominous health message or SEVERE drama queen outburst: according TheDailyMail, rapper 50 Cent took to Twitter in the last couple days to share some strange, mysterious news, that he doesn’t think he’s “gonna live much longer,” among other things.

50 Cent, whose successes aren’t just in the music world but also the movie industry and food and beverage world (he has stake in the beverage company Glaceau with his drink “Formula 50″), but has apparently come on some hard times. His past album sold a measly 446,000 copies, and he had a public fall out with his record label, Interscope. Still, are those minor setbacks a reason to send threatening self-destructive messages on Twitter? Is it just a misguided rant, or does the multi-millionaire entertainment star really on the road to a young death?

We’ll keep you updated if we learn more. Stay tuned.

I wanted to hate this. I wanted to say, “SEXIST!” I wanted to scowl and push stop at the end and swear never to watch it again because NOT ALL WOMEN ARE LIKE THAT, OKAY. Unfortunately I just giggled and watched it twelve times in a row. I think you will too.

“Could you turn it up a bit?”

According to the Superficial, Twitter DMs have surfaced that seem to imply that Chris Brown had sex with D-list R&B singer Martyn. The screenshot of the page doesn’t appear to be doctored, and the messages are… well, pretty damn incriminating (NSFW language below):

Although Martyn “refused to comment” on the DMs, he did state “I’ll confirm it” on Twitter, so who knows what that means. Other pages of DMs also state that Marytn hooked up with Trey Songz, another powerhouse in the hip hop world.

So what could this be? A true story or a D-list celeb trying to garner some publicity? Maybe it’s both… and rumors are now flying that the night of the Rihanna incident, she may have found out that he was sexing up dudes and not his manager as previously believed.

We’ll keep you updated, but for now I will conclude that Chris Brown is probably a closeted homosexual who should just come out and embrace his flamboyant side and start doing shows at the White Party. I’m sure the gays would EAT THAT UP, ifyouknowwhatImean.

You’re looking for a booty call on TWITTER, PACMAN JONES? TWITTER?!?!?!? You do realize that just clicks away there is a website dedicated to finding you the hottest singles in the nation, all looking for fun times without the commitment, down to party and hookup, and you can communicate with privacy instead of on the world’s most public social networking site, right?!! The NFL lockout is over, dude – you don’t need to be slumming on the street corners of Twitter!

And to those ladies who so classily offered themselves up to the football star, who has previously been accused of hitting strippers and BITING BOUNCERS AT CLUBS - come on, ladies. You’re making the rest of us look bad.

Good morning! Great start to today with a little “Oh god oh god oh god, what did I do what did I do?!!” news.

Sometimes I think smartphone interface designers don’t have our best interests in mind. I know at least on MY cell phone,  my camera’s “share” feature places the Facebook, Twitter, and SMS buttons AWFULLY close to one another. So a slightly intoxicated attempt at sending a friend a “special” photo can easily end in disaster, if you know what I mean.

Apparently these kinds of troubles are not only for us lowly folk, either. Just a few months ago Paramore front-girl Hayley Williams accidentally tweeted a photo of herself topless (though she claimed her account was hacked), and now, Representative Anthony Weiner (teehee) is feeling the same public shame as he apparently accidentally tweeted a photo of his own boxer-briefed junk (seen above) to his nearly 50,000 followers. Anthony initially went the “hacked” route like Williams, although in his most recent interviews he says he  “can’t say with certitude” that the picture isn’t of him, which translates to “mah bad.”

It’s always nice to see celebrities and people in power feeling a little embarrassed or abashed, because we so often consider them to be infallible. And if said celebrity’s last name is FREAKING WEINER?! Even better.

We’ll let you know if Anthony ever admits the peen pic was a dirty text gone wrong. Until then, sit back and enjoy the saga of Weiner’s well-advertised weiner.

Watching Charlie Sheen right now is like being a storm chaser. You’re running around attempting to follow a natural disaster, using all the knowledge you can remember to try and predict his next move, but sometimes he does something so unexpected and unpredictable that it ends up SMASHING SOMEONE UNDERNEATH A BARN.

However, when someone in Hollywood (who has more money than most of us will ever see in our entire lifetime and is blowing it on jet rides with glorified hookers) begins their breakdown, it’s our right as a public to be allowed a few minutes of laughter at their expense. And, because the BCU staff can never resist making bets, we thought it’d be only appropriate to set up an office pool for this type of situation. That way, when Charlie finally plummets into the deep dark hole once only inhabited by Nick Nolte and Britney Spears, maybe someone else will be (sorry for this) WINNING.

Here’s how you play:

1. Print out this list of the following potential Charlie Sheen headlines

2. Have each person in your office choose a potential date they believe each event could happen

3. Each bet costs a dollar, and all the money goes into a pool.

4. Price is right rules apply: the person closest without going over wins

5. Whoever predicts the most dates correctly wins.

Here are the Headlines:

1. Charlie Sheen Arrested

2. Charlie Sheen is Hospitalized

3. Charlie Sheen Caught Running Naked Through the Streets Of [whereverthehellhemightbe]

4. Charlie Sheen Charged With Involuntary Manslaughter of Adult Film Star(s)

5. Charlie Sheen Shot with Tranquilizer Dart/Tased Into Submission/Hogtied by Police

6. Charlie Sheen Drowns in Boobs

7. Charlie Sheen Contracts Chlamydia/Herpes/A Really Bad UTI

8. Charlie Sheen Stops Being Crazy (hahahahahha just kidding)

9. Charlie Sheen Holds Cast of Two and a Half Men Hostage

10. Charlie Sheen dies. Stops Winning.

And just a few days later, Kanye went to his Twitter feed to drop a hard A-bomb on the masses:

Now, I’m not exactly sure what #LuxuryRealness is, or how it applies to abortion, but this series of tweets is just another display of Kanye’s weird brand of celebrity ranting that no one gets. I’m just going to end important, poignant conversations with that phrase now.

“You guys, the revolution in the Middle East is absolutely inspiring. People standing up against the powers that be with little to no assistance, changing the status quo and changing the world! Luxury Realness, RIGHT?”

What do you think about celebrities talking about politics and society? Should they openly share their opinion with the public or keep it to themselves?

The cryptically updated Tweet (which I still don’t believe was actually written by Hef, does he even know what a computer is?) suggests that he got laid because he took his wife-to-be Crystal Harris to see the Bieber flick, but we at BCU believe it could mean a couple other things:

- he convinced her to try Metamucil. It might taste like ass-flavored chalk, but it keeps you regular!
– she finally dressed up in the 20s flapper outfit he’s been asking about. Sure it’s knee length and smells like death but hey, it turns him on!
– he got her do that butt thing. You know, taking him to get that prostate exam he’s been putting off.

What do YOU think Hef’s tweet means?

img via northjersey.com

Now that we’ve gone over the potentially disastrous parts of this weekends testosterone-fest, let’s lighten the mood with a pleasant look at the top 5 super bad-ass, TOTALLY UNBEATABLE parts of Super Bowl weekend.

1) The Great Bar Vs Barbeque Party War

Every year, my group of friends debates for a solid month and a half about whether or not we’re going to watch the Super Bowl at a bar or at a house BBQ. I always lead Team BBQ, because a) I’m a cheap-ass, b) I make the best seven layer dip, and c) pretty much mostly the cheap-ass part. However, it’s always fun to picture-text-war with your friends to see who is at the more awesome party. This year, whether you end up at home or out in public, remember: this is the only exciting thing that is going to happen until… like, what… St. Patrick’s Day? Make it count!

2) Girls + Football – Paying Attention to Girls = AWESOME

Look, as a lady who honestly knows very little (re: practically nothing) about football, but who enjoys to party, even I know this weekend is perfect for mixed groups of friends. Think about it: you, all your buddies, football, beer, hot girls in tiny jerseys, and also hot girls in tiny jerseys who can’t get mad if you don’t pay attention to them. We can sit in our corner of friends and talk about how much we “don’t understand this game” and “can’t wait ’till it’s over” but in reality, we are NOT allowed to bother you during the Super Bowl. It’s like, woman code.

3) The Super Bowl Drinking Game

This year, we at the BCU offices are concocting quite the DOOZY of a Super Bowl drinking game, which may involving printing out PENALTY CARDS with #s of drinks on them and handing them to people doing annoying things. Check back in for that one tomorrow.[Note: combining a Steeler loss with too many shots of Jameson and a card that says "Unnecessary Douche-ness" may result in a major ass-kicking. We are not responsible for that.]

4) The battle of America’s Next Top Football Team

I recently noticed that if you type in Super Bowl XLV into Google, like 50% of the articles are about deciding which team is more “American.” Well, the Steelers have won 6 Super Bowls. The Packers are the only publicly owned NFL team. The Steelers have the most Hall of Fame inductees. The Packers are from the smallest city in the league. For some odd reason they’re both really proud that they don’t have cheerleaders even though what the hell am I supposed to look at when the commercials end? Needless to say, the only thing holding one of them back from being the Official America’s Next Top Football Team is winning this Super Bowl. So I assume that whatever team loses get immediate membership to Al Qaeda WHICH IS AWESOME.

5) What are sure to be inspired, insightful, and not at all drunk Super Bowl tweets from other NFLers

I know that I included this on the top 5 WORST things about this weekend, but really, I don’t know what I was thinking. Fingers crossed that someone starts another Tweet battle with Jesus Christ Himself!

I look forward to this weekend every year, and even though I have literally zero emotional investment in either team, I suppose that might make it even more fun. Although I do hate Ben Roethlisberger’s head shape. It’s sort of like the gopher from Caddyshack, except if the gopher was an alleged rapist.

Hmm.

GO PACKERS.