Three Online Dating Habits to Ditch in 2017

awkward-date

“New year, new you” is a silly, over-used phrase you see on seemingly every cover of fitness and health magazines in January… but there’s a reason it’s so popular – everyone wants a the start of a new year to be the time they make big changes in their lives, whether in health, money, or relationships.

Just as important as adding new habits, though, is ditching some bad ones – and here are 3 cringe-worthy online dating mistakes we’re BEGGING singles to stop making in 2017:

  1. Taking profile pics laying down in bed (or from below, in the dark, in a dirty bathroom, in JAIL [not kidding]): Seriously guys. WHY are you uploading such f&%$ing terrible pictures to your profiles?! We have seen some heinous pics this year and can’t fathom why guys (sorry, it’s usually guys) would use them to try and present themselves as sexually attractive. Please guys, if you want to get laid this century, brush your hair, go outside, take a decent picture of your face (not of your chest, crotch, or shoes). And don’t do any of these, all of which we’ve seen this year:
      • In jail (literally, through the glass during visitation)
      • With ex-wife and kid
      • With a PREGNANT wife. What the F&*$, dude?!
      • In car window
      • Lens flare
      • From dick level up. WHY???
      • With a cloud of smoke covering your whole face (again, you do you, but maybe not in your profile pic?)
      • Sitting on the check up table in a doctor’s office
      • Screenshot of a different dating profile. (???)
      • Pictures in WalMart or other store
      • Doing the gross “eating out” hand pose. ::shudder::
      • Next to a nice car at a gas station. If it’s yours, pose next to at your house otherwise it just looks like you’re leaning on a stranger’s vehicle.
      • A picture of your back with scratches on it. That could have easily been a cat.
      • A picture of your driver’s license. You HAVE A CAMERA IN YOUR HAND!
      • Pointing a fake (or REAL?!) gun at the camera
      • Making a weird sad Beaker muppet face
      • Dirty bathroom, mirror, bedroom, etc
      • In bed (if you’re too lazy to SIT up for a goddamned dating site profile photo what does that say about the rest of your life?)
      • So close your face doesn’t fit in the frame
      • You in whitey-tighties
      • From the waist down, period
      • Completely dark
      • From too far away – cool, I’m really excited to go on a date with someone who appears to hopefully have a head and four limbs
      • Snap-chatted out – please don’t put an emoji face over your real face
      • Overly edited
      • Super old photos
      • Extremely low quality
      • Staring creepily into the camera with a murderer face
      • Covering most of your face with your hand
      • Sticking your tongue out like a pervert
      • Flipping off the camera
      • Pointing at the camera
      • Using an iPad that blocks your face
      • Suffering from severe neck-beard
      • WHILE DRIVING
      • In front of a confederate flag
      • Of you and a friend – how am I supposed to know which one is you? (Unless you have more pictures that make it obvious, of course)
      • Just-woke-up hair
      • Blurry
      • Photoshopped beyond recognition
      • Holding cash (why is this a thing? Holding 12 hundred dollar bills isn’t impressive, it just looks like you pay your rent in cash)
      • Blowing a cloud of smoke into the camera – maybe this used to be a sign you were a “bad boy,” but marijuana is practically legal these days so all it says is “I’m such a massive stoner that I couldn’t put down a joint for five friggin’ seconds to take a picture of myself.” 
  2. Chatting, flirting, and sexting – without any plan to meet up: Now this is an online dating mistake we see among the ladies. Maybe you’re just nervous, but the point of online dating isn’t just to send flirty messages for weeks. It’s to set a date to meet in person! Set a limit for yourself. 5 messages back and forth and either meet in person or move on!
  3. Sending the same one-word message to a hundred different members: News flash, there’s no reason to respond to a “hey” from a stranger you know nothing about. Use your creativity and say something that inspires the sexy someone to initiate a conversation. This is pole fishing, not net fishing, so don’t just throw out a thousand empty messages with the hope that ONE person will respond.

Make this year the best year of online dating yet by ditching these common online dating mistakes! Log into OnlineBootyCall.com, create an intriguing profile with a GREAT picture, and upgrade to a VIP membership (for only 69 cents a week!) so you can start sending some creative messages to the sexy singles you’re interested in. Then meet in person and feel the sparks fly!